Discworld

"The singing of the National Anthem was always a ragged affair, the good people of Ankh-Morkpork feeling that it was unpatriotic to sing songs about how patriotic you were, taking the view that someone singing a song about how patriotic they were was either up to something or a Head of State.‡ ‡ i.e., up to something. (p. 363)"

"“I don’t think he’s been poisoned,” he said. “Why’s that, Archchancellor?” said Ponder. “Because if anyone has poisoned our Librarian,” said Ridcully, “then, although I am not, by nature, a vindictive man, I will see to it that this university hunts down the poisoner by every thaumic, mystic and occult means available and makes the rest of their life not only as horrible as they can imagine it, but as horrible as I can imagine it. And you can depend on it, gentlemen, that I have already started work on it.” (pp. 377-378)"

"For I am the crowd and I am the ball I am the triumph and the blame I am the turf, the pies, the All Always and ever, I am the Game. It matters not who won or lost Nothing is the score you made Fame is a petal that curls in the frost But I will remember how you played. (p. 395)"

"“The orcs?” “Yes. They really are wretched. Of course, people say that about the goblins and while it is true that they religiously save their own snot, and, frankly, just about everything else, at least there is a logic to it.” “Well, a religious logic, at least,” murmured Vetinari. “They tend to be quite stretchable.” (pp. 406-407)"

"And today the sheep on the downs were left by themselves to do whatever it was that they did when they were by themselves, which would presumably be pretty much the same as they did if you were watching them."

"First Sight means that you can see what really is there, and Second Thoughts mean thinking about what you are thinking. And in Tiffany’s case, there were sometimes Third Thoughts and Fourth Thoughts, although these were quite difficult to manage and sometimes led her to walk into doors."

"His hands had closed automatically into fists because he had always been a man who thought with them. Soon he would try to use them; she knew it, because it was easier to punch than think."

"When the brain stops thinking, the fist steps in."

"“Simple?” said the Toad, who seems to be enjoying himself. “Well, as a lawyer I can tell you that some thing that looks very simple indeed can be incredibly complicated, especially if I’m being paid by the hour. The sun is simple. A sword is simple. A storm is simple. Behind everything simple is a huge tail of complicated.”"

"He rubbed his nose. Then he sighed. “Miss Aching, I am arresting you on suspicion of…well, I’m just feeling suspicious."

"Sometimes what is legal isn’t what is right, and sometimes it needs a witch to tell the difference. And sometimes a copper too, if you have the right kind of copper. Clever people know this. Stupid people don’t. And the trouble is, stupid people can be oh so very clever."

"“Please,” Tiffany said, “can we get some sleep? My father always says that things will look better in the morning.” There was a pause. “Upon reflection,” Mrs. Proust said, “I think your father will turn out to be wrong.”"

"He was hanged, and then much later they put up a statue to him, which tells you more about people than you might wish to know."

"“Of course,” said Miss Smith. “Boy meets girl, one of the greatest engines of narrative causality in the multiverse.”"

"She heard him mutter, “Can you take away this grief?” “I’m sorry,” she replied quietly. “Everyone asks me. And I would not do so even if I knew how. It belongs to you. Only time and tears take away grief; that is what they are for.”"

"“My mother taught me to read and write, much against my dad’s wishes, and since that meant I was no good for a proper job, I got packed off to be an apprentice priest in the Church of Om. I quite liked that; I learned a lot of interesting words, but they threw me out for asking too many questions, such as ‘Is this really true or what?’”"

"When Mr. Aching had worked for the old Baron, they had, as men of the world, reached a sensible arrangement, which was that Mr. Aching would do whatever the Baron asked him to do. Provided the Baron asked Mr. Aching to do what Mr. Aching wanted to do and it needed to be done."

"Should I blame him for what he’s been ordered to do? she wondered. After all, you can’t blame the hammer for what the carpenter does with it. But Brian has got a brain, and the hammer hasn’t. Maybe he should try to use it."

"Tiffany opened her mouth to reply before she had any idea what she was going to say, but that is not unusual among human beings."

"She tried not to be gloomy at funerals. People lived, and died, and were remembered. It happened in the same way that winter follows summer. It was not a wrong thing. There were tears, of course, but they were for those who were left; those who had gone on did not need them."

"These times are not necessarily good, and not necessarily bad. In fact, what they are depends on what we are."

"People aren’t just people; they are people surrounded by circumstances."

"“I want a proper school, sir, to teach reading and writing, and most of all thinking, sir, so people can find out what they’re good at, because someone doing what they really like is always an asset to any country, and too often people never find out until it’s too late.” She deliberately looked away from the sergeant, but her words had caused a susurration around the room that Tiffany was glad to hear. She drowned it out with “There have been times, lately, when I dearly wished that I could change the past. Well, I can’t, but I can change the present, so that when it becomes the past it will turn out to be a past worth having. And I’d like the boys to learn about girls and I’d like the girls to learn about boys. Learning is about finding out who you are, what you are, where you are and what you are standing on and what you are good at and what’s over the horizon and, well, everything. It’s about finding the place where you fit. I found the place where I fit, and I would like everybody else to find theirs.”"

"All this got a big cheer, which is what generally happens when people have worked out that they are likely to get something that they won’t have to pay for."

"You had to stop discussing politics or you would run right into it, causing no damage to anything but yourself. (p. 16)"

"Of course people here would be on the take. You didn’t need evidence. It was human nature. (p. 26)"

"Vimes’s lack of interest in other people’s children was limitless, but he could count. “And the last one?” “Oh Hermione, she may be difficult as she has rather scandalized the family, at least in their opinion.” “How?” “She’s a lumberjack.” Vimes thought for a moment and said, “Well, dear, it is a truth universally acknowledged that a man with a lot of wood must be in want of a wife who can handle a great big—” (p. 31)"

"You are mistaking value for worth, I think. (p. 37)"

"Very interested indeed in rubber, so I heard, but it takes all sorts to make a world and it would be a funny old place if we were all the same, and especially if we were all like him. (p. 48)"

"“Your grandfather always told me that if I saw a big pile of muck in a field I should kick it around a bit so as to spread it evenly, because that way all the grass will grow properly.” She smiled at Vimes’s expression and said, “Well, it’s true, dear. A lot of farming is about manure.” (p. 53)"

"“I don’t care to drink with them as grinds the faces of the poor!” Vimes held his gaze, and said, “Sorry, I didn’t bring my grinder with me today.” (p. 64)"

"As far as Sam Vimes was concerned, he liked tea, but tea was not tea if, even before drinking, you could see the bottom of the cup. Still worse than the stuff he was being offered was the conversation, which inclined toward bonnets, a subject on which his ignorance was not just treasured but venerated. (p. 74)"

"There passed between husband and wife a look that deserved the status of telepathy. (p. 132)"

"I’m not the law, no policeman is the law. A policeman is just a man, but when he wakes up in the morning it is the law that is his alarm clock. (p. 144)"

"That just goes to show that you never know, although what it is we never know I suspect we’ll never know. (p. 168)"

"He smiled to himself. Maybe the goblins weren’t all that stupid, only more stupid than humans were, which, when you came to think about it, took some effort. (p. 187)"

"Oh dear, you of all people must recognize a substition when you’re possessed by it? It’s the opposite of a superstition: it’s real even if you don’t believe in it. (p. 217)"

"I tell you, commander, it’s true that some of the most terrible things in the world are done by people who think, genuinely think, that they’re doing it for the best, especially if there is some god involved. (p. 219)"

"“One day I thought, ‘How hard can writing be? After all, most of the words are going to be and, the and I and it, and so on, and there’s a huge number to choose from, so a lot of the work has been done for you.’ That was fifty-seven books ago. It seems to have worked.” (p. 220)"

"There were times when the world did not need policemen, because what it really did need was for somebody who knew what they were doing to shut it all down and start it all up again so that this time it could be done properly… (p. 234)"

"But sometimes you should follow the arrogance…You should look for those who can’t believe that the law would ever catch them, who believe that they act out of a right that the rest of us do not have. The job of the officer of the law is to let them know that they are wrong! (p. 403)"

"He was eating a roasted rabbit like there was no tomorrow—which clearly had been the case for the rabbit. (p. 417)"

"But I’ll say this for the old bastard: he is honorable, honest and straightforward. It’s a shame that he is also pigheaded, stupid, and incompetent. (p. 420)"

"When you aren’t expecting it, that’s when you should expect it! (p. 428)"

"The law is there for the people, rather than the other way round. (p. 446)"

"Can I make one thing perfectly clear, your grace, the law cannot act retrospectively. If it did, none of us would be safe. (p. 460)"

"He reflected that, from a distance, the world might conceivably look to be at peace, a state of affairs that always ends in war, eventually. (p. 9)"

"“How could you have foreseen it?” “Well, madam, Diamond King of Trolls asked me the very same thing, but all I can say is that it lies in the indefatigable nature of sapient creatures. In short, they can’t all be satisfied at the same time.” (p. 11)"

"The aristocrats, if such they could be called, generally hated the whole concept of the train on the basis that it would encourage the lower classes to move about and not always be available. (p. 89)"

"If the Swan be nesting high, then floods are expected; if only the head of the Swan may be seen, they have arrived abruptly."