Discworld

"There…some logical thought, and the mystic becomes…well, straightforward. You can stop feeling like some puppet and become a man with a purpose once again. (p. 351)"

"Nobby’s face was an open book, albeit the kind that got banned in some countries. (p. 357)"

"“Why do you carry no axe?” Ardent snarled. “I need no axe to be a dwarf,” said Bashfullsson. “Nor do I need to hate trolls. What kind of creature defines itself by hatred?” (p. 365)"

"Oh, don’t make that face, Sergeant. It’s all the rage in politics these days, spying on your friends. That’s what I’m told. (p. 372)"

"Witches usually wear black, but as far as she could tell, the only reason that witches wore black was that they’d always worn black. This did not seem a good enough reason, so she tended to wear blue or green. She didn’t laugh with scorn at finery because she’d never seen any."

"She took the view that if you were capable of learning, you’d work it out. There was no point in making it easy for people. Life wasn’t easy, she said."

"I fear the art of storytelling has got into a pretty bad way in these parts. I really shall have to do something."

"They say that there can never be two snowflakes that are exactly alike, but has anyone checked lately?"

"“I am an old person and that means what I say is wisdom!” She gave the bewildered Tiffany a stern look. “Do you understand, child?” Tiffany’s mind raced. Everything is a test! “No,” she said. “I’m not a child and that’s nonsense, not wisdom!”"

"Living this long’s not as wonderful as people think. I mean, you get the same amount of youth as everyone else, but a great big extra helping of being very old and deaf and creaky."

"I’m not superstitious. I’m a witch. Witches aren’t superstitious. We are what people are superstitious of."

"“When a bull coo meets a lady coo, he disna have tae say, ‘My heart goes bang-bang-bang when I see your wee face,’ ’cuz it’s kinda built intae their heads. People have it more difficult. Romancin’ is verra important, ye ken. Basically it’s a way the boy can get close to the girl wi’oot her attackin’ him and scratchin’ his eyes oot.”"

"You could say it was unfair, and that was true, but the universe didn’t care because it didn’t know what “fair” meant."

"“According to Chaffinch,” she said, with the Mythology open on her lap, “the god Blind Io created the Cornucopia from a horn of the magical goat Almeg to feed his two children by the Goddess Bisonomy, who was later turned into a shower of oysters by Epidity, God of Things Shaped like Potatoes, after insulting Resonata, Goddess of Weasels, by throwing a mole at her shadow. It is now the badge of office of the summer goddess.” “I always said there used to be far too much of that sort of thing in the old days,” said Granny Weatherwax."

"“A metaphor is a kind o’ lie to help people understand what’s true,” said Billy Bigchin, but this didn’t help much."

"She did, eventually, find a staircase that went up (unless, of course, you started at the top)."

"“But that’s okay, right? ’Cuz ye have a Plan!” “I hope I’ve got it right, though,” said Roland. “My aunts say I’m too clever by half.” “Glad tae hear it,” said Rob Anybody, “’cuz that’s much better than bein’ too stupid by three quarters!”"

"And, as always happens, and happens far too soon, the strange and wonderful becomes a memory and a memory becomes a dream. Tomorrow it’s gone."

"“The king is insuring against ‘what everyone knows’ being wrong. It so often is."

"There are times when “it does not get any better than this” does not spring to mind."

"“I read somewhere that the coins represent a promise to hand over a dollar’s worth of gold,’ said Moist helpfully. Mr. Bent steepled his hands in front of his face and turned his eyes upwards, as though praying. “In theory, yes,” he said after a few moments. “I would prefer to say that it is a tacit understanding that we will honor our promise to exchange it for a dollar’s worth of gold provided we are not, in point of fact, asked to.”"

"“I take a keen interest in the criminal mind,” said Moist, slightly faster than he’d intended. It was true. All you needed was a talent for introspection."

"No errors get past me, you may depend upon it. An error, sir, is worse than a sin, the reason being that a sin is often a matter of opinion or viewpoint or even of timing but an error is a fact and it cries out for correction."

"Damn. He’d forgotten the ancient wisdom: take care, when you are closely observing, that you are not closely observed."

"Whoever said you can’t fool an honest man wasn’t one."

"To a man traveling on his wits, a newspaper was a useful treasure. Stuck down your shirt, it kept the wind off your chest. You could use it to light fires. For the fastidious, it saved a daily resort to dockweed, burdock, or other broad-leaved plants. And, as a last resort, you could read it."

"Gross men, for the most part, greedy, venal, and clumsy. Cunning can do duty for thought up to a point, and then you die."

"“But I’ve been dropped right in it!” “Not by me,” said Vetinari. I can assure you that if I had, as your ill-assumed street patois has it, ‘dropped you in it,’ you would fully understand all meanings of ‘drop’ and have an unenviable knowledge of ‘it.’”"

"“Master, I protest! Banking is not a game!” “Dear Mr. Bent, it is a game. And it’s an old game, called ‘What can we get away with?’”"

"Pucci stood ignored and steaming with rage for a while and then flounced out. It was a good flounce, too. She had no idea how to handle people and she tried to make self-esteem do the work of self-respect, but the girl could flounce better than a fat turkey on a trampoline."

"“Why are you always in such a hurry, Mr. Lipwig?” “Because people don’t like change. But make the change happen fast enough and you go from one type of normal to another.”"

"Mr. Bent liked counting. You could trust numbers, except perhaps for pi, but he was working on that in his spare time and it was bound to give in sooner or later."

"“Um…oh yes, mystic stuff doesn’t hurt, people’ll believe in any damn thing if it sounds old and mysterious. Doth not a penny to the widow outshine the unconquered sun?” “What does that mean?” “I haven’t the foggiest idea,” said Moist, “I just made it up.”"

"“They said we could trust Mr. Lipwig’s word ’cos he’s as straight as a corkscrew.” “A corkscrew?” said Bent, shocked. “Yeah, we asked about that, too,” said Shady. “And they said he acts curly, but that’s okay ’cos he damn well gets the corks out!”"

"My name is Adora Belle Dearheart, so as you can imagine I’ve got a pretty short temper."

"Moist pointed to a sign which said If you are smoking, thank you for being beaten about the head."

"“There’s no need to get hysterical,” said Adora Belle. “Yes, there is! What there isn’t a need for is staying calm.”"

"Students, eh? Love ’em or hate ’em, you’re not allowed to hit ’em with a shovel."

"“It’s funny you should say that, Reverend,” said the woman, her eyes bright with nervousness, “because I belong to a small group of ladies who run, well, a god-of-the-month club. Er…that is, we pick a god and believe in him…or her, obviously, or it, although we draw the line at the ones with teeth and too many legs, er, and foreign ones, of course, and then we pray to them for a month and then we sit down and discuss it. Well, there’s so many, aren’t there. Thousands! We’ve never really considered Om, though, but if you would care to give us a little talk next Tuesday I’m sure we’ll be happy to give him a jolly good try!”"

"Nevertheless, the human brain, which survives by hoping from one second to another, will always endeavor to put off the moment of truth."

"Hubert’s an economist. That’s like an alchemist, but less messy."

"Commander Vimes says that when life hands you a mess of spaghetti, just keep pulling until you find the meatball."

"“Do you think I should pray, Igor?” said Moist, watching his face. “I couldn’t thay. The Igor position on prayer is that it is nothing more than hope with a beat to it.”"

"It contained herbs and all natural ingredients. But belladonna was an herb, and arsenic was natural."

"You know, Mr. Lipwig, killing you right now would solve an incredibly large number of problems."

"“But I have sinned. Oh, indeed I have! I have worshiped false idols!” “Well, sometimes you can’t get real ones,” said Miss Drapes."

"I’m in a world where that just happened, Moist thought. Nothing matters. It was an insight of incredibly wonderful liberation."

"On the first day of the rest of his life Moist von Lipwig woke up, which was nice, given that on any particular day a number of people do not, but woke up alone, which was less pleasing."

"“I think that comes under the quia ego sic dico rule.” “Yes, what did that mean?” “’Because I say so,’ I think.” “That doesn’t sound like much of a rule.” “Actually, it’s the only one he needs.”"

"Black Meg, the senior nanny, who patiently allowed Tiffany to milk her and then, carefully and deliberately, put a hoof in the milk bucket. That’s a goat’s idea of getting to know you. A goat is a worrying thing if you’re used to sheep, because a goat is a sheep with brains."