"His bleary eyes strayed back to the editorial. They, on the other hand, could be quite funny, since they were based on the assumption that the world would be a much better place if it was run by journalists."

"“But I’ve been dropped right in it!” “Not by me,” said Vetinari. I can assure you that if I had, as your ill-assumed street patois has it, ‘dropped you in it,’ you would fully understand all meanings of ‘drop’ and have an unenviable knowledge of ‘it.’”"

"“They are not at home to disappointment, sir. They have tried to declare Mrs. Lavish insane, sir.” “Really,” said Moist. “Compared to who?”"

"Damn. He’d forgotten the ancient wisdom: take care, when you are closely observing, that you are not closely observed."

"“Master, I protest! Banking is not a game!” “Dear Mr. Bent, it is a game. And it’s an old game, called ‘What can we get away with?’”"

"“You mean that if you do overtime you have to do more overtime to pay for it?” said Moist, still pondering how illogical logical thinking can be if a big enough committee is doing it."

"No errors get past me, you may depend upon it. An error, sir, is worse than a sin, the reason being that a sin is often a matter of opinion or viewpoint or even of timing but an error is a fact and it cries out for correction."

"To a man traveling on his wits, a newspaper was a useful treasure. Stuck down your shirt, it kept the wind off your chest. You could use it to light fires. For the fastidious, it saved a daily resort to dockweed, burdock, or other broad-leaved plants. And, as a last resort, you could read it."

"It would be hard to imagine an uglier building that hadn’t won a major architectural award."

"“It is a large treadmill that provides power for the coin stamping and so forth. Powered by prisoners once upon a time, when ‘community service’ wasn’t just a word. Or even two. It was considered cruel and unusual punishment, however, which does rather suggest a lack of imagination.”"

"There are times when “it does not get any better than this” does not spring to mind."

"Tiffany walked across the grass where the palace had been. There were a few pieces of ice left, but they would be gone in an hour. There were the clouds, but clouds drifted away. The normal world pressed in on her, with its dull little songs. She was walking on a stage after the play was over, and who now could say it had ever happened?"

"“I read somewhere that the coins represent a promise to hand over a dollar’s worth of gold,’ said Moist helpfully. Mr. Bent steepled his hands in front of his face and turned his eyes upwards, as though praying. “In theory, yes,” he said after a few moments. “I would prefer to say that it is a tacit understanding that we will honor our promise to exchange it for a dollar’s worth of gold provided we are not, in point of fact, asked to.”"

"“The king is insuring against ‘what everyone knows’ being wrong. It so often is."

"She did, eventually, find a staircase that went up (unless, of course, you started at the top)."

"His ancestors had been knights, and they had come to own the Chalk by killing the kings who thought they did. Swords, that’s what it had all been about. Swords and cutting off heads. That was how you got land in the old days, and then the rules were changed so that you didn’t need a sword to own land anymore, you just needed the right piece of paper. But his ancestors had still hung on to their swords, just in case people thought that the whole thing with the bits of paper was unfair, it being a fact that you can’t please everybody."

"Pucci stood ignored and steaming with rage for a while and then flounced out. It was a good flounce, too. She had no idea how to handle people and she tried to make self-esteem do the work of self-respect, but the girl could flounce better than a fat turkey on a trampoline."

"There be a lot o’ men who became heroes ’cuz they wuz too scared tae run!"

"“A metaphor is a kind o’ lie to help people understand what’s true,” said Billy Bigchin, but this didn’t help much."

"“But that’s okay, right? ’Cuz ye have a Plan!” “I hope I’ve got it right, though,” said Roland. “My aunts say I’m too clever by half.” “Glad tae hear it,” said Rob Anybody, “’cuz that’s much better than bein’ too stupid by three quarters!”"

"Tomorrow…might become anything. But today the winter world was full of color."

"“I take a keen interest in the criminal mind,” said Moist, slightly faster than he’d intended. It was true. All you needed was a talent for introspection."

"Building a temple didn’t mean you believed in gods, it just meant you believed in architecture."

"Granny Weatherwax stopped pacing and looked at Miss Tick, who said: “Ah, yes…er…we are exploring every possibility—” “That means we don’t know,” said Granny. “That’s the truth of it. This is about gods, see? But yes, since you ask, they can be a bit touchy.”"

"“Er...I dinna wanta be a knee aboot this, but why is ye all here freezin’ tae death?” “Our oxen wandered off, and alas, the snow’s too deep to walk through,” said Mr. Swinsley. “Aye. But youse got a stove an’ all them dry ol’ books,” said the dark figure. “Yes, we know,” said the librarian, looking puzzled. There was the kind of wretched pause you get when two people aren’t going to understand each other’s point of view at all."

"Look, just because a woman’s got no teeth doesn’t mean she’s wise. It might just mean she’s been stupid for a very long time."

"And, as always happens, and happens far too soon, the strange and wonderful becomes a memory and a memory becomes a dream. Tomorrow it’s gone."

"“When a bull coo meets a lady coo, he disna have tae say, ‘My heart goes bang-bang-bang when I see your wee face,’ ’cuz it’s kinda built intae their heads. People have it more difficult. Romancin’ is verra important, ye ken. Basically it’s a way the boy can get close to the girl wi’oot her attackin’ him and scratchin’ his eyes oot.”"

"Living this long’s not as wonderful as people think. I mean, you get the same amount of youth as everyone else, but a great big extra helping of being very old and deaf and creaky."

"“We are small people,” her father had said. “It ain’t wise to come to the attention of the gods.”"

"There were meetings. There were always meetings. And they were dull, which is part of the reason they were meetings. Dull likes company."

"Nanny Ogg changed the way people thought, even it if was only for a few minutes. She left people thinking they were slightly better people. They weren’t, but as Nanny said, it gave them something to live up to."

"Gods wanted belief, not rational thinking."

"I’m not superstitious. I’m a witch. Witches aren’t superstitious. We are what people are superstitious of."

"They say that there can never be two snowflakes that are exactly alike, but has anyone checked lately?"

"I made mistakes. But I didn’t make excuses."

"Whoever said you can’t fool an honest man wasn’t one."

"They think they’re so grown-up! But they’re still no better than babies in the sandpit, squabbling over mud pies. I see their lies and excuses and fears. They never grow up, not really. They never look up and open their eyes. They stay children their whole lives."

"“But what does it actually do?” Too late, he saw the signs. Hubert grasped the lapels of his jacket, as if addressing a meeting, and swelled with the urge to communicate, or at least talk at length in the belief that it was the same thing."

"I fear the art of storytelling has got into a pretty bad way in these parts. I really shall have to do something."

"You could say it was unfair, and that was true, but the universe didn’t care because it didn’t know what “fair” meant."

"You know, Mr. Lipwig, killing you right now would solve an incredibly large number of problems."

"It wasn’t that he wasn’t good at delegating. He was extremely good at delegating. But the talent requires people on the other end of the chain to be good at being delegated onto. They weren’t."

"She took the view that if you were capable of learning, you’d work it out. There was no point in making it easy for people. Life wasn’t easy, she said."

"“Ach, people’re always telling’ us not tae do things,” said Rob Anybody. “That’s how we ken what’s the most interestin’ things tae do!”"

"“I am an old person and that means what I say is wisdom!” She gave the bewildered Tiffany a stern look. “Do you understand, child?” Tiffany’s mind raced. Everything is a test! “No,” she said. “I’m not a child and that’s nonsense, not wisdom!”"

"It was a dream, but Moist was good at selling dreams. And if you could sell the dream to enough people, no one dared to wake up."

"“We’ve struck a blow for womanhood,” Sally declared loudly. “Shoes, men, coffins…never accept the first one you see.” (p. 285)"

"Home was where you had to feel safe. If you didn’t feel safe, it wasn’t home. (p. 300)"