Will Rogers

"One of the best-known and one of the least-known men in the world. By inclination, a great mixer. By instinct, a hermit."

"As Will Rogers' popularity and earning capacity increased, his contributions to charities, both public and private, increased also. Although it is hard to obtain information on this phase of his life, because of his quietness and secrecy about it, it is known that he gave hundreds to newsboys' homes, maternity homes, hospitals for crippled children, and other institutions like nature. During the World War he gave hundreds of dollars to the Red Cross each month, and later, in 1927, he was made a life member of this organization, a distinction of which he was very proud, for he loved the Red Cross and the work it was doing. Eddie Cantor, the actor, once declared: "Will Rogers had Carnegie and both the Rockefellers backed off the boards in comparison. He is always giving and never telling. How much he gives away only Bill himself really can tell- and I doubt that he keeps any books on it. But I'm a poor guesser if it is less than fifty thousand dollars a year. And he'll up and deny it right, left and center, if you accuse him of it.""

"In addition to my deep appreciation of his humor the first time that I fully realized Will Rogers' exceptional and deep understanding of political and social problems was when he came home from his European trip in 1926. While I had discussed European matters with many others, both American and foreign, Will Rogers' analysis of affairs abroad was not only more interesting but proved to be more accurate than any other I had heard."

"Will Rogers was America's most complete human document. He reflected in many ways the heartbeat of America. In thought and manner of appearance and in his daily life he was probably our most typical native born, the closest living approach to what we like to call the true American."

"There is a curious parallel between Will Rogers and Abraham Lincoln. They were rare figures whom we could call beloved with ease and without embarrassment."

"The impact upon the people of America at the death of Will Rogers was similar to that produced by the death of Abraham Lincoln."

"See they conducted experiments on convicts ... I don't know on what grounds they reason a man in jail is a bigger liar than one out of jail ... The chances are telling the truth is what got him there ... It would be a big aid to humanity, it will never be, for already the politicians are up in arms against it ... It would wreck the very foundation on which our political government is run ... If you ever injected truth into politics you'd have no politics ... Even the ministers are denouncing it now ... Humanity is not yet ready for either real truth or real harmony."

"Well, all I know is what I read in the papers."

"Papers say: "Congress is deadlocked and can't act." I think that is the greatest blessing that could befall this country."

"You know everybody is ignorant, only on different subjects."

"Heroing is one of the shortest-lived professions there is."

"I never met a man I didn't like."

"This election was lost four and five and six years ago not this year. They dident start thinking of the old common fellow till just as they started out on the election tour. The money was all appropriated for the top in the hopes that it would trickle down to the needy. Mr. Hoover was an engineer. He knew that water trickled down. Put it uphill and let it go and it will reach the dryest little spot. But he dident know that money trickled up. Give it to the people at the bottom and the people at the top will have it before night anyhow. But it will at least have passed through the poor fellow's hands. They saved the big banks but the little ones went up the flue."

"When the Judgment Day comes civilization will have an alibi, "I never took a human life, I only sold the fellow the gun to take it with.""

"Sure must be a great consolation to the poor people who lost their stock in the late crash to know that it has fallen in the hands of Mr. Rockefeller, who will take care of it and see it has a good home and never be allowed to wander around unprotected again. There is one rule that works in every calamity. Be it pestilence, war, or famine, the rich get richer and poor get poorer. The poor even help arrange it."

"But it's just as Mr. Brisbane and I have been constantly telling you, "Don't gamble"; take all your savings and buy some good stock, and hold it till it goes up, then sell it. If it don't go up, don't buy it."

"You can't say that civilization don't advance, however, for in every war they kill you in a new way."

"Half our life is spent trying to find something to do with the time we have rushed through life trying to save."

"This would be a great world to dance in if we didn't have to pay the fiddler."

"This country has come to feel the same when Congress is in session as when the baby gets hold of a hammer."

"We are the first nation to starve to death in a storehouse that's overfilled with everything we want."

"I certainly know that [A] comedian can only last till he either takes himself serious or his audience takes him serious and I don't want either of those to happen to me til I am dead (if then)."

"I not only "don't choose to run" but I don't even want to leave a loophole in case I am drafted, so I won't "choose". I will say "won't run" no matter how bad the country will need a comedian by that time."

"Politics has got so expensive that it takes lots of money to even get beat with."

"The more that learn to read the less learn how to make a living. That's one thing about a little education. It spoils you for actual work. The more you know the more you think somebody owes you a living."

"This would be a great time in the world for some man to come along that knew something."

"I am a peace man. I haven't got any use for wars and there is no more humor in 'em than there is reason for 'em."

"I doubt if a charging elephant, or a rhino, is as determined, or hard to check, as a socially ambitious mother."

"This country has gotten where it is in spite of politics, not by the aid of it. That we have carried as much political bunk as we have and still survived shows we are a super nation."

"I have always said that a conference was held for one reason only, to give everybody a chance to get sore at everybody else. Sometimes it takes two or three conferences to scare up a war, but generally one will do it."

"There ain't nothing that breaks up homes, country, and nations like somebody publishing their memoirs."

"Our constitution protects aliens, drunks, and U. S. Senators. There ought to be one day (just one) when there is open season on senators."

"We don't know what we want, but we are ready to bite somebody to get it."

"No party is as bad as its state and national leaders."

"advertising [...] makes you spend money you haven't got for things you don't want."

"The United States never lost a war or won a conference."

"When you get into trouble 5,000 miles from home, you've got to have been looking for it."

"The only time people dislike gossip is when you gossip about them."

"The movies are the only business where you can go out front and applaud yourself."

"We all can't be heroes, for someone has to sit on the curb and clap as they go by."

"Personally, I have always felt the best doctor in the world is the veterinarian. He can't ask his patients what is the matter — he's got to just know."

"An onion can make people cry, but there has never been a vegetable invented to make them laugh."

"An ignorant person is one who doesn't know what you have just found out."

"We are here just for a spell and then pass on. So get a few laughs and do the best you can. Live your life so that whenever you lose it, you are ahead."

"There's no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government working for you. 11px|frameless QOTD 2007·11·04 Sound file"

"Buy land. They ain't making any more of the stuff."

"Ancient Rome declined because it had a Senate; now what's going to happen to us with both a Senate and a House?"

"What the country needs is dirtier fingernails and cleaner minds."

"Be thankful we're not getting all the government we're paying for."

"Take the diplomacy out of war and the thing would fall flat in a week."