"They're watering crops with a sports drink?"

"You know things are bad when they're coming to me for answers."

"Do you really want to live in a world where you’re trying to blow up the one person who is trying to help you?"

"Today I step into the shoes of a great man, a man by the name of Dwayne Elizondo Mountain Dew Herbert Camacho."

"People wrote books and movies, movies that had stories, so you cared whose ass it was and why it was farting."

"Man! Upgrayedd didn't tell me they'd be putting me in no damn coffin with tubes and shit!!"

"You think Einstein walked around thinking everyone was a bunch of dumb-shits? Now you know why he built that bomb."

"That's good, cause I charge by the hour."

"I like money."

"I need for you to be serious for a second here, okay? I need help."