"At some point during almost every romantic comedy, the female lead suddenly trips and falls, stumbling helplessly ove…"

"My relationship with my father had been on the proverbial fritz since the time I was fifteen and called the police to…"

"I had to feign interest in all this nonsense until I could ask when I could come over and sit on his face. I didn't s…"

"Are you there vodka? It's me, Chelsea. Please get me out of jail and I promise I will never drink again. Drink and dr…"

"Obviously, if I was serious about having a relationship with someone long-term, the last people I would introduce him…"

"Most men would never tell a girl her Pikachu smells like a crab cake. It's just not done. But they would have no qual…"

"The part that wasn't a jackpot was his baseball mound of red pubic hair that looked like it had literally been attach…"

"It became clear when I got in my car that Persians are only really good for two things. Oil and hummus."

"We just need to normalise our hearts' not having boundaries. I think that there's this idea that we as public figures…"

"I'm a young Latina woman growing up in a primarily white area of town where I live. I've been called it all. My hate …"