"At some point during almost every romantic comedy, the female lead suddenly trips and falls, stumbling helplessly ove…"

"I had to feign interest in all this nonsense until I could ask when I could come over and sit on his face. I didn't s…"

"Are you there vodka? It's me, Chelsea. Please get me out of jail and I promise I will never drink again. Drink and dr…"

"Obviously, if I was serious about having a relationship with someone long-term, the last people I would introduce him…"

"Most men would never tell a girl her Pikachu smells like a crab cake. It's just not done. But they would have no qual…"

"He laid into me with the same gusto as a right-wing political pundit on the O'Reilly Factor defending President's Bus…"

"The part that wasn't a jackpot was his baseball mound of red pubic hair that looked like it had literally been attach…"

"It became clear when I got in my car that Persians are only really good for two things. Oil and hummus."

"We just need to normalise our hearts' not having boundaries. I think that there's this idea that we as public figures…"

"I'm a young Latina woman growing up in a primarily white area of town where I live. I've been called it all. My hate …"