"Lucy Emerson: [to Sam] I can never sleep with the closet door open, either. Not even a crack. Sam, this is a terrible thing to admit, but I think that one of the reasons I divorced your father was because he never believed in the closet monster."

"Michael Emerson: [upon seeing Grandpa's workroom, filled with deer heads and other animals] Talk about the Texas Chain Saw Massacre."

"[as Michael comes home in the morning] Looks like I wasn't the only one who got lucky last night."

"Rules! We've got some rules around here. Second shelf is mine. That's where I keep my cocktail peanuts, my Diet Pepsi and my double-thick animal crackers. Nobody touches the second shelf but me. Now, there's another rule around here, and I want you to pay very close attention to it. Don't touch anything. Everything is exactly where I want it."

"Lucy, you're the only woman I ever knew who didn't improve her situation by getting divorced."

"Now you know what we are. And now you know what you are. You'll never grow old, Michael. And you'll never die. But you must feed."

"[cornered by Maximillian] Hey, yo, man I don't know how you know me, but, uh, everything is everything. I ain't seen nothin', okay? So you can go ahead and just jump right back through the window, man. I won't tell anybody I saw you, 'cause I ain't really seen you! You know I'm blind! I got, like cataracts, I mean, um, contacts. I got astigmatism, man. I can't see; I'm blind. Where you at? Where you at? See, look. Where you at? Huh? Where you at?"

"Ohh, betting on the the Knicks... when will you learn?"

"[after being staked in gut] Let me give you an anatomy lesson. This [points] is my stomach. This [points] is my heart. Stomach. Heart. Stomach. Heart."

"[As Preacher Pauley] Evil is good, and ass is good, and if you find you a piece of evil ass, WOO!"

"Interesting. I've been stabbed, and I've been hanged, and I've been burned. Even broken on the rack once, but I've never been shot before. It kind of itches a little. You have quite decent aim, though. But next time... [rips out Tony's beating heart as Anthony and Julius watche in sheer horror; growls] put a little HEART INTO IT!"

"John Witherspoon - Silas Green"

"Kadeem Hardison - Julius Jones"

"Allen Payne - Detective Justice"

"Angela Bassett - Detective Rita Veder"

"Eddie Murphy - Maximillian / Preacher Pauly / Guido"

"Keep your faith, Detective. If I know one thing, its this, you'll need it!"

"Who's driving this vessel? Stevie fucking Wonder?"

"Call me, baby, call Silas."

"Welcome to the party, Unc. Now let's get this show on the road...There's a new Vampire in Brooklyn, and his name is Julius Jones!"

"Ray Combs - Game Show Host"

"Simbi Khali - Nikki"

"W. Earl Brown - Police Officer"

"Joanna Cassidy - Captain Dewey"

"[Opening Voiceover] A long, long time ago, Nosferatu, the undead, the race of the Vampire were driven from Egypt. Most fled to the Carpathian Mountains of Transylvania, but others of better taste, including myself, travelled south through Africa and over the Atlantic, to a beautiful island hidden deep in the Bermuda Triangle. There we lived for happy centuries, feasting on the blood of unwary travellers. Until discovered by the hunters once again. Then the blood that spilled was our own. I, alone, escaped. But a Vampire-alone is a Vampire doomed. My chance was to find the one known offspring of our tribe that had been born in a foreign land. A woman, somewhere in this place, called Brooklyn..."

"Zakes Mokae - Dr. Zeko"