Screenplays By Peter Jackson

"Step right up you greebo bastards!"

"She's history! I know what to do, I've read the comics! Total... bodily... dismemberment!"

"Ahhh, so you found your father's old stag movies, did ya? [Pause] Is that the one with the donkey and the chambermaid?"

"That's my mother you're pissing on."

"[After pus from Vera's bite wound squirts into his custard] Damn fine custard... rich and creamy, just the way I like it!"

"What we need is another war!"

"I kick arse for the Lord!"

"Stay back boy! This calls for divine intervention!"

"The Devil is amongst us!"

"I'm a New Zealand zoo official, and this monkey is going to Newtown!"

"Listen! You no pick up the cage, you no get the big dollars."

"[as an excuse for punching Selywn and stuffing it into a bag] Hyperactive..."

"...and this little zombie stayed at home!"

"Some things won't stay down... even after they die."

"There's something nasty in Lionel's cellar - His family!"

"You'll laugh yourself sick!"

"Timothy Balme - Lionel Cosgrove"

"Diana Peñalver - Paquita María Sánchez"

"Elizabeth Moody - Vera Cosgrove"

"Ian Watkin - Uncle Les"

"Brenda Kendall - Nurse McTavish"

"Stuart Devenie - Father McGruder (The Fighting Priest)"

"Jed Brophy - Void"

"Murray Keane - Scroat"

"Glenis Levestam - Nora Matheson"

"Lewis Rowe - Albert Matheson"

"Elizabeth Mullane - Rita"

"Harry Sinclair - Roger"

"[about to charge at the zombies with a hoisted law mower] Party's over!"

"They're not dead exactly, they're just... sort of rotting."

"The Goriest Fright Film of All Time!"

"The most undercooked comedy in the history of Cinema!"

"Gone with the Blood..."

"The rot has set in...."

"Zombie Mother: No one will ever love you like your mother!"

"Zoo Keeper: Story goes, these great big rats come scuttling off the slave ships and raped all the little tree monkeys."