"[to Westley] Beautiful, isn't it? It took me half a lifetime to invent it. I'm sure that you've discovered my deep and abiding interest in pain. At present, I'm writing the definitive work on the subject, so I want you to be totally honest with me on how the machine makes you feel. This being our first try, I'll use the lowest setting. As you know, the concept of the suction pump is centuries old. Really, that's all this is, except that instead of sucking water, I'm sucking life. [the machine activates; Westley screams] I've just sucked one year of your life away. I might one day go as high as five, but I really don't know what that would do to you, so let's just start with what we have. What did this do to you? Tell me. And remember, this is for posterity, so be honest. How do you feel? [Westley whimpers] Interesting."

"[to Inigo] You're that little Spanish brat I taught a lesson to all those years ago. Simply incredible. Have you been chasing me all this time, only to fail now? I think that's the worst thing I've ever heard of. How marvelous."

"I always think everything could be a trap...which is why I'm still alive."

"OH, MY GOD! HER DRESS IS ON FIRE! SHE'S ON FIRE!!!"

"Scaling the Cliffs of Insanity, Battling Rodents of Unusual Size, Facing torture in the Pit of Despair. - True love has never been a snap."

"It's as real as the feelings you feel"

"Heroes. Giants. Villains. Miracle Men. True Love. - Not just your basic, average, everyday, ordinary, run-of-the-mill, ho-hum fairy tale."

"She gets kidnapped. He gets killed. But it all ends up okay."