"[Victoria, in her disguise, pulls Norma into the bedroom and starts taking off her clothes] Oh, now wait a minute...WAIT!!!!! [whispers] Lock the door!"

"Thinks he can just push me around! Thinks I'm just gonna hop on the next boat for the States and that'll be that! Well, you've got another thing coming Mr. Big-shot Fairy Marchand! 'Cause Mrs. Cassidy's little goirl Norma ain't gonna take this one lyin' down! [Norma boards the train and walks all the way down the corridor, raving to herself. She gets out on the balcony of the last car] And don't kid yourself! You ain't seen the last of me yet! [She opens her coat to reveal her underclothes. A boarding passenger, distracted by this, falls off the platform behind the train] Oh, you okay?"

"You can't think about it, you just gotta put it out of your mind! The more you think about it, the more you worry. The more you worry, the more you think. [eating chocolates] Think, worry, worry, think... mm! too soft... It just gets like a vicious cycle! And then, before you know it, you are impudent! [King walks out of the bathroom, holding a bar of soap] What's with the soap?"

"Shame is an unhappy emotion invented by pietists in order to exploit the human race."

"Thank you. Thank you, thank you, you're most kind. In fact, you're every kind."

"You were marvelous! And I never want to see any of you again!"

"[to the dancers on stage after they drop him] You bitches."

"I know what you're thinking... and you ought to be ashamed of yourself."

"There's nothing more inconvenient than an old queen with a head cold."

"God, there've been times I'd have given my soul to be able to cry like that."

"[looking at a glass of White Wine] The last time I saw a specimen like this they had to shoot the horse."

"You know, pretending to be a man does have its disadvantages."

"Thirty days have September, October, June and February, all the rest have 29, except my brother who got six months."

"Wisdom is the province of the aged, but the heart of a child is pure."

"Howdy partiner"

"If you've ever been to a wilder party... you're under arrest"

"Peter Sellers — Hrundi V. Bakshi"

"Birdie Num Num"

"Claudine Longet — Michele Monet"

"Herbert Ellis — Director"

"Gavin MacLeod — C. S. Divot"