"My life is a disaster, but not in the way you'd think reading this shit. These things reduce us, and they do it over and over again because too many white people and people, apparently like you, devour this slop like pigs in a dumpster to stay current at fucking cocktail parties."

"Let me say first, Carl, that I'm honored you'd choose me out of all the black writers you could go to out of fear of being called racist."

"John Ortiz - Arthur"

"Raymond Anthony Thomas - Maynard"

"J. C. MacKenzie - Carl Brunt"

"Okieriete Onaodowan - Van Go Jenkins"

"Tracee Ellis Ross - Dr. Lisa Ellison"

"The dumber I behave, the richer I get."

"Nobody in Hollywood reads. They get their assistants to read things and then summarize them. The whole town runs on book reports."

"Potential is what people see when they think what's in front of them isn't good enough."

"Jeffrey Wright - Dr. Thelonious "Monk" Ellison"

"Sterling K. Brown - Dr. Clifford "Cliff" Ellison"

"Adam Brody - Wiley Valdespino"

"Myra Lucretia Taylor - Lorraine"

"Neal Lerner - Wilson Harnet"

"Imagine exploding your brain trying to think of a toilet paper commercial."

"Patrick Fischler - Mandel"

"Michael Cyril Creighton - John Bosco"

"Erika Alexander - Coraline"

"Issa Rae - Sintara Golden"

"Coraline: [to Monk] One day maybe you'll learn that not being able to relate to other people isn't a badge of honor."

"Caris Corfman - Betsy Culbertson"

"Jack Gilpin - Bud Culbertson"

"Brandon Maggart - Ernie Holm"

"Warren Berlinger - Stew Percy"

"Amanda Plummer - Ellen James"

"Nicholas Wyman - Dirk Criterion"

"Mark Soper - Michael Milton"

"Cue the deer."

"William Newman - Gus Lotterhand"

"William Duell - Old Character"

"Mike Starr - Crocker"

"Jessica Tandy - Mrs. Fields"

"Glenn Plummer - Mickey"

"Robin Williams - T.S. Garp"

"[telling Garp he cannot go to his mother's feminist memorial] They're not going to allow any men. A man killed her! They're very upset!"

"Mary Beth Hurt - Helen Holm"

"Glenn Close - Jenny Fields"

"Hume Cronyn - Mr. Fields"

"John Lithgow - Roberta Muldoon"

"Kevin O'Morrison - Sheriff Ledbetter"

"Alice Drummond - Ethel Dinges"

"You know, everybody dies. My parents died. Your father died. Everybody dies. I'm going to die too. So will you. The thing is, to have a life before we die. It can be a real adventure having a life."

"Jenny Wright - Cushie"

"[after being told he shouldn't go to his Mom's feminist memorial] I will grieve alone for the rest of my life, but right now I want to be around people who loved her."

"Swoosie Kurtz - The Hooker"