"I'd like to bet you have no idea what you're dealing with... I bet, double or nothing, Batman crawls out of that shallow grave with his faculties intact and hunts you down like the dogs you all are. Did anyone think to examine Exhibit A?"

"You really want to know what it feels like to be the clown at midnight? Where there's only ever one joke and it's always on you? Well, here you are. Now do you get it?"

"You actually believed that all it would take is a few chemicals, a couple of days in drug-induced isolation and a cheap little nervous breakdown and you'd have me all figured out? Like there was some rabbit hole you could follow me down to understanding?"

"The real joke is your stubborn, bone deep conviction that somehow, somewhere, all of this makes sense! That's what cracks me up each time!"

"You can't kill me without becoming like me! I can't kill you without losing the only human being who can keep up with me! Isn't it IRONIC?"

"Both of us trying to find meaning in a meaningless world! Why be disfigured outcast when I can be a notorious Crime God? Why be an orphaned boy when you can be a superhero?"

"[Trying to patent "jokerized" fish]"But the fish share my unique face! If Colonel What's-His-Name can have chickens, when they donť even have moustaches-- And you deny this to me!""

"Oh, well...I suppose the Joker's holiday had to end some time!"

"Reclaimed from the dead! All crimes paid for! The slate wiped clean! The Joker is free! Ha! Ha!"

"(as he is being led to his execution as part of his master plan) "So this is the famous Last Mile, eh? Don't cry, boys...this will hurt me worse than it'll hurt you! Ha! Ha!""

"(when asked if he will really reform) "Of course not! My business will go on as usual...the important thing is that I'll be free! The Joker shall die so that he may live again!""

"What good is my money? Can I spend it like other people? No! Can I go to movies and ball games? No! The only way I can leave this hideout is in disguise... I'm doomed to a living death... [gets a epiphany] Death!... Now that may be a way out for me... That's it... The Joker must die!"

"If I weren't insane: I couldn't be so brilliant!"

"Oh, Batman, if you had the guts for that kind of fun you would've done it years ago. I, on the other hand..."

"(discovers that he has killed Batman) "I can't believe it. He's... he's actually gone. Let's take a moment to reflect on the passing of a man who was more than just another do-gooder in tights. He was the best arch-nemesis a sociopath could ask for. [pauses a bit, then...] Okay, let's do it again!" [brings Batman back to life]"

"(To Harley as he turns her into a Constellation) "You get the best seat in the house for Armageddon. Say goodnight, Harley. I always wanted to see my dame in lights. Heh. Even in a moment of abject saccharine, I still got it.""

"Get out of the way, Bats! I've got a date with immortality!"

"Ladies and Gentlemen, Hobos and Tramps, Cross-eyed mosquitoes and bowlegged ants. I come before you, to stand behind you, to tell you a story I know nothing about. One bright morning in the middle of the night two dead fellows stood up to fight. They stood back to back, facing each other, drew their swords and shot one another. If you don't believe my lie, it's true, ask the blind lady on the corner, she saw it too."

"(to Batman) "Quick question. When the clock strikes twelve, do I get a little kiss?""

"Lady, you're harder to kill than a cockroach on steroids"

"You dirty rat! You killed my brother! My sister! My daughter! She's my sister and my daughter!"

"They could put me in a helicopter and fly me up into the air and line up the bodies head to toe on the ground in delightful geometric patterns like an endless June Taylor dancers routine — and it would never be enough. No, I don’t keep count. But you do. And I love you for it."

"It's true, Batsy! I know everything! And kinda like the kid who peeks at his Christmas presents, I must admit, it's sadly anti-climactic. Behind all the sturm and batarang, you're just a little boy in a playsuit, crying for mommy and daddy. It'd be funny if it weren't so pathetic...... Oh, what the heck, I'll laugh anyway! HA! HA! HA! HA! HAAAA!"

"(to Superman) "More powerful than a locomotive, and just about as subtle.""

"If I weren't crazy, I'd be insane!"

"There's two things Lex forgot to tell you about me: I don't CARE what happens to the world, and I DON'T play nice with others!"

"Yay! We're all going to Hell!"

"The police just backed me up in a gunfight....Gotham has finally gone insane!! AHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!"

"(Firefly) - "You still haven't told us how you're going to take over the underworld." (Jerome Valeska: "Proto-Joker") - "Who says I wanna do that? I'm an artist. I just wanna paint the town crazy. Once that happens, I could care less how you horribles rip this city apart.""

"Rockabye Batsy, I'm getting free! Soon you'll be the one trapped inside me! So do take deep breaths, great lungfuls of fear! Soon Bats will be gone, and I will be here!"

"Don't go into the light, bats! It's no fair! They won't let me in!"

"....I need you..."

"No, Bruce! Don't leave me! PLEASE!!"

"When I get out of here, I will write my name in blood on every street corner! I'll carve it on every corpse! I -- (stammers) NO ONE'S FORGETTING ME!"

"Remember Talia? Of course you do. How could you forget a girl like that? All it took was one piece of lead to end your hopes of a happily ever after. You blamed me, of course, but you were wrong. You put her in my crosshairs, Bats. Sure, she didn't do herself any favors, but it was you. You see, people trust you. They believe in you. They follow you into your war, and you are about to get them all killed."

"Can you remember when it was simple? Back in the old days, when it was just you, me, a regular war against crime? Well take a look, Bats. Things change. Now it's just war, with you standing right bang in the center. Of course, with any war, there are casualties. It's inevitable, unavoidable. Like death. Well, maybe not death, I seem to have sidestepped that one. Still, not all of us are so lucky."

"Oh, Bats! How very ME of you. Though I can see why you didn't tell him, after Jimbo's hysterical overreaction. Still, if you cared about Barbara the way that little sidekick of yours does, maybe she wouldn't have been kidnapped in the first place. They're star-crossed, Bats! Like me and you. Shame they're being torn apart thanks to your crusade. So let's recap. Barbara's dead. And let's face it, probably dead. You're lying to lover boy wonder about it, and dear old Jim's marched off on his lonesome to save the day. Not your best day at the office, Bats. Something on your mind? Come on, let Robin out of his cage. You can't force him to slave over your cure. Plus, if he gets himself killed out there, you won't have to tell him about Barbara. It's win-win! You think he's really gonna fix your nasty case of Joker-itis? Not a chance. I'm chronic, Brucie. I'm lingering."

"I am the Comeback King! The Clown Prince of Chaos! The Jester of Genocide!...You can't stop me."

"Who's gonna save Gotham now? Robin?! [laughs]"

"That guy doesn't know you very well, now does he? What kind of super villain thinks that a handful of bullets to the stomach and a bunch of tanks will stop the Batman?"

"Oh Bats, how I've missed you! All the subtlety and nuance of a napalm enema."

"You should take better care of yourself, Batsy. There's two of us in there!"

"I've really got to hand it to Scarecrow. I've never been a fan of his concoctions up to now, but this batch, it's intoxicating. It really brings out the me in you."

"Off to see mom and pop in that great big county club in the sky!"

"(goes around the screen trying to find his way "in the dark") "What the...? Why has everything gone dark? Are we dying? We better not be dying, Bruce!""

"Get Ready for the Encore" [Manic Laughter]."

"He's no better than the creep who killed your parents."

"Bats? Bats?? BAAATS!?!"

"Isn't it funny how one little encounter can cleave off little pieces of your past, deform your memories and persona until you rethink your whole identity — and as you realise how foolish it all is — your laughter reverberates off the walls of your own emptiness?"

"You of all people should know, there's nothing so cruel as memory.... the pointy biting little thunderbolts, unwanted party crashers, SCREAMERS through your synapses.. inescapable, unrelenting.... not at all friendly. You can't even escape into MADNESS!"