"Y'know, people are always putting New Jersey down. None of my friends can believe I live here. But that's because they don't get it: I'm living in a state of irony."

"I wake up happy, feeling good... but then I get very depressed, because I'm living in reality."

"Jane Adams - Joy Jordan"

"Camryn Mannheim - Kristina"

"It's just I'm... I'm so tired of being admired all the time. All these men I mean... they're all beautiful, artistic minds, great sex, the whole package, but hollow, you know what I mean? I feel nobody's really honest with me. Nobody wants me for me."

"Pussy...need pussy..."

"I'm gonna fuck you so hard, you'll be coming out of your ears. Fuck you..."

"You think I don't appreciate art? You think I don't understand fashion? You think I'm not hip? You think I'm pathetic? A nerd? A lard-ass fatso? You think I'm shit? Well, you're wrong, 'cause I'm champagne, and you're shit. Until the day you die, you, not me, will always be shit!"

"I want kids that love me as much as I hated my mother."

"Eliot Berger as Ethan Longstreet"

"Roman Polanski as a neighbor (uncredited cameo)"

"Elvis Polanski as Zachary Cowan"

"John C. Reilly as Michael Longstreet"

"Kate Winslet as Nancy Cowan"

"Christoph Waltz as Alan Cowan"

"Keep on stroking your own ego. It's beautiful."

"Penelope, I believe in the god of carnage. The god whose rule has been unchallenged since time immemorial."

"[to Penelope] I saw your friend Jane Fonda on TV the other day. It made me want to go out and buy a Ku Klux Klan poster."

"I've got a John Wayne idea of manhood, too. What is it he had? A Colt .45. Something that empties a room. Any man that doesn't have those loner vibes just doesn't come off as having any substance."

"Jodie Foster as Penelope Longstreet"

"Morally, you're supposed to overcome your impulses, but there are times you don't want to overcome them."

"Jessica Campbell - Tammy Metzler"

"Phil Reeves - Dr. Walter F. "Walt" Hendricks"

"Chris Klein - Paul Metzler"

"Molly Hagan - Diane McAllister"

"There were a lot of things said about Mr. McAllister, so I do not know what is true. I do not care about what he did or did not do. All I know is that he helped me out and I believe that he is a good guy."

"Matthew Broderick - James T. "Jim" McAllister"

"Colleen Camp - Judith Flick"

"Reese Witherspoon - Tracy Enid Flick"

"If you died right now, I would throw myself into one of my Dad's cement trucks and get poured into your tomb."

"Sometimes when I'm sad, I sit and watch the power station. They say if you lie between two of the main wires, your body just evaporates... you become a gas. I wonder what that would feel like."

"It's not like I'm a lesbian or anything. I'm attracted to the person. It's just that all the people I've been attracted to happen to be girls."

"[her campaign speech] "Who cares about this stupid election? We all know it doesn't matter who gets elected president of Carver. Do you really think it's going to change anything around here? Make one single person smarter... or happier... or nicer? The only person it does matter to is the one who gets elected. The same pathetic charade happens every year, and everyone makes the same pathetic promises, just so they can put it on their transcripts to get into college. So vote for me. Because I don't even want to go to college, and I don't care. And as president, I won't do anything. The only promise I will make is that... if elected, I will immediately dismantle the student government, so that none of us will ever have to sit through one of these stupid assemblies again! [Student body erupts in huge cheers] Or don't vote for me! Who cares? Don't vote at all! [More cheers and a standing ovation]"

"I don't know what you're referring to, but maybe if certain older, wiser people hadn't acted like such little babies, and gotten so mushy, then everything would be OK... and I think certain older people, like you, and your colleague, shouldn't be leching after their students, especially when some of them can't even get their own wives pregnant... and they certainly shouldn't be making slanderous accusations, especially when certain young, naive peoples' mothers are paralegal secretaries at the city's biggest law firm, and have won many successful lawsuits, and if you want to keep questioning me like this, I won't continue without my attorney present."