Academy Award Winners

"Change is death."

"[The universe is] haphazard, morally neutral, and unimaginably violent."

"What a world. It could be so wonderful if it wasn't for certain people."

"I should stop ruining my life searching for answers I'm never gonna get, and just enjoy it while it lasts."

"Marriage? That's for life! It's like cement!"

"Maybe the poets are right. Maybe love is the only answer."

"It figures you've got to hate yourself if you've got any integrity at all."

"Sex alleviates tension. Love causes it."

"To you I'm an atheist; to God, I'm the Loyal Opposition."

"The difference between sex and death is, with death you can do it alone and nobody's going to make fun of you."

"There have been times when I've thought of suicide but with my luck it'd probably be a temporary solution."

"Love is the answer. But while you're waiting for the answer, sex raises some pretty good questions."

"On bisexuality: It immediately doubles your chances for a date on Saturday night."

"Allen: That's quite a lovely Jackson Pollock, isn't it? Woman: Yes, it is. Allen: What does it say to you? Woman: It restates the negativeness of the universe. The hideous lonely emptiness of existence. Nothingness. The predicament of man forced to live in a barren, godless eternity like a tiny flame flickering in an immense void with nothing but waste, horror, and degradation, forming a useless, bleak straitjacket in a black, absurd cosmos. Allen: What are you doing Saturday night? Woman: Committing suicide. Allen: What about Friday night?"