Discworld

"Rincewind looked out across the sheep pens. He knew what sheep were, of course, and had come into contact with them on many occasions, although normally in the company of mixed vegetables. (p. 176)"

"Daggy stepped forward, but only comparatively; in fact, his mates had all, without discussion, taken one step backwards in the choreography of caution. (p. 181)"

"Rincewind wasn’t certain how to deal with this. “No worries,” he said. This covered most things. (p. 181)"

"She had a very straightforward view of foreign parts, or at least those more distant than her sister’s house in Quirm where she spent a week’s holiday every year. They were inhabited by people who were more to be pitied than blamed because, really, they were like children.† And they acted like savages.††"

"“I suppose he wouldn’t have done anything stupid, would he?” he said. “Archchancellor, Ponder Stibbons is a fully trained wizard!” said the Dean. “Thank you for that very concise and definite answer, Dean” said Ridcully. (p. 187)"

"It was, nevertheless, very peaceful. Rincewind sat bolt upright. He knew what was about to happen when things were peaceful. (p. 189)"

"Dear me, the purpose of the whole business, you see, is in fact to be the whole business. (p. 211)"

"Here was where he’d always wanted to be, at the cutting edge of the envelope in the fast lane of the state of the art. (pp. 212-213)"

"Mrs. Whitlow was walking some way ahead, humming to herself. The wizards took care to remain at a respectful distance. They were aware that in some kind of obscure way she’d won, although they hadn’t a clue what the game was. (pp. 227-228)"

"Once a moderately jolly wizard camped by a dried-up waterhole under the shade of a tree that he was completely unable to identify. And he swore as he hacked and hacked at a can of beer, saying, “What kind of idiots put beer in tins?” (p. 232)"

"A flash of inspiration struck him with all the force and brilliance that ideas have when they’re traveling through beer. (pp. 233-234)"

"Then another insight struck him at the speed of beer. Beer! It was only water, really, with stuff in it. Wasn’t it? And most of what was in it was yeast, which was practically a medicine and definitely a food. In fact, when you thought about it, beer was only a kind of runny bread, in fact, it’d be better to use some of the beer in the soup! Beer soup! A few brain cells registered their doubt, but the rest of them grabbed them by the collar and said hoarsely, people cooked chicken in wine, didn’t they? (p. 234)"

"He lay back with his head on a rock. Keep out of trouble and don’t get involved, that was the important thing. Look at those stars up there, with nothing to do all the time but sit there and shine. No one ever told them what to do, the lucky bastards... (p. 235)"

"Ridcully’s eyes twinkled behind the smoke and, not for the first time, Ponder suspected that the man was sometimes rather cleverer than he appeared. It would not be hard. (pp. 246-247)"

"“Is it true that your life passes before your eyes before you die?” “Ghastly thought, really.” Rincewind shuddered. “Oh gods, I’ve just had another one. Suppose I am just about to die and this is my whole life passing in front of my eyes?” (p. 260)"

"Ponder’s mind raced, and hit some horrible speed bumps in his imagination. (p. 264)"

"Historians have pointed out that it is in times of plenty that people feel like going to war. In times of famine they’re simply trying to find enough to eat. When they’ve just enough to go round they tend to be polite. But when a banquet is spread before them, it’s time to argue over the place settings. (p. 267)"

"And Unseen University, as even wizards realized at somewhere just below the top level of their minds, existed not to further magic but, in a very creative way, to suppress it. The world had seen what happened when wizards got their hands on enormous amounts of magical power. It had happened a long time ago and there were still some areas where you didn’t go, if you wanted to walk out on the same kind of feet that you’d had when you went in. Once upon a time the plural of “wizard” was “war”. But the great, open ingenious purpose of UU was to be the weight on the arm of magic, causing it to swing with grave majesty like a pendulum rather than spin with deadly purpose like a morningstar. Instead of hurling fireballs at one another from fortified towers the wizards learned to snipe at their colleagues over the interpretation of Faculty Council minutes, and long ago were amazed to find that they got just as much vicious fun out of it. They consumed big dinners, and after a really good meal and a fine cigar even the most rabid Dark Lord is inclined to put his feet up and feel amicable towards the world, especially if it’s offering him another brandy. And slowly, and by degrees, they absorbed the most important magical power of all, which is the one that persuades you to stop using all the others. (pp. 267-268)"

"Once again Rincewind felt that he hadn’t been given the same script as everyone else. (p. 298)"

"Rincewind paused. He had always been the foremost exponent of the from rather than the to of running. (p. 301)"

"One of the most basic rules for survival on any planet is never to upset someone wearing black leather.†"

"“You don’t look like a country boy, I must say.” “Me? I get nervous when I see a blade of grass, miss.” (p. 303)"

"Ponder wasn’t sure how old he’d been, but he’d definitely thought he could hear a blade being sharpened. It was one thing to know you were on a journey, and quite, quite another to see your destination on the horizon. (p. 320)"

"It dawned on the Senior Wrangler that the sky was a different color on his personal planet. (p. 323)"

"Of course, more time was spent setting it up than was ever saved by using it, but this is the case in many similar fields and is a sign of Progress. (p. 327)"

"“Why did he have to go to prison?” “We put all our politicians in prison as soon as they’re elected. Don’t you?” “Why?” “It saves time.” (p. 334)"

"Rincewind had never studied meteorology, although he had been an end-user all his life. (p. 354)"

"Can I have another beer? It’s amazing, it doesn’t feem to have any essect on me, no matter how much I dnirk. Helps me think clearerer. (p. 355)"

"Rincewind stared into the depths of the cave. The light from the staffs only made them worse. It cast shadows. Darkness was just darkness, but anything could be hiding in shadows. (p. 360)"

"Contrary to the usual procedures it began to grow lighter, although the proliferation of luminous fungi or iridescent crystals in deep caves where the torchlessly improvident hero needs to see is one of the most obvious intrusions of narrative causality into the physical universe. (pp. 362-363)"

"As loudly as a thunderstorm under the bed but as softly as two soufflés colliding, past and present ran into one another. (p. 367)"

"The ability to ask questions like “Where am I and who is the ‘I’ that is asking?” is one of the things that distinguishes mankind from, say, cuttlefish.† The wizards from Unseen University, being perhaps the intellectual cream or certainly the cerebral yogurt of their generation, passed through this stage in minutes."

"“When it’s time to stop living, I will certainly make Death my number one choice!” (p. 373)"

"That was the thing about fire. If you saw one, everyone went to put it out. Fire spread like wildfire. (p. 377)"

"It wasn’t that they didn’t take an interest in the world around them. On the contrary, they had a deep, personal and passionate involvement in it, but instead of asking “why are we here?” they asked “is it going to rain before the harvest?” A philosopher might have deplored this lack of mental ambition, but only if he was really certain about where his next meal was coming from. (p. 3)"

"Only those with their feet on rock can build castles in the air. (p. 3)"

"In Ghat they believe in vampire watermelons, although folklore is silent about what they believe about vampire watermelons. Possibly they suck back. (p. 4)"

"He also regarded laws as useful things and he obeyed them when it was convenient. (p. 15)"

"And she sees everything in black and white. That’s always a trap for the powerful. Oh yes. (p. 17)"

"They thought that you could see life through books but you couldn’t, the reason being that the words got in the way. (p. 21)"

"I mean, it’s one thing saying you’ve got the best god, but sayin’ it’s the only real one is a bit of a cheek, in my opinion. I know where I can find at least two any day of the week. And they say everyone starts out bad and only gets good by believin’ in Om, which is frankly damn nonsense. (p. 46)"

"“It’s all right...as witches we believe in religious toleration...” “That’s right,” said Nanny Ogg. “But only for the right religions, so you watch your step.” (p. 56)"

"The smug mask of virtue triumphant could be almost as horrible as the face of wickedness revealed. (p. 59)"

"What had she ever earned? The reward for toil had been more toil. If you dug the best ditches, they gave you a bigger shovel. (p. 60)"

"She’d never, ever asked for anything in return. And the trouble with not asking for anything in return was that sometimes you didn’t get it. (p. 60)"

"“That’s something everyone knows about vampires...” In fact there are many things everyone knows about vampires, without really taking into account that perhaps the vampires know them by now, too. (p. 71)"

"Nanny could find an innuendo in “Good morning.” (p. 102)"

"Any fool could be a witch with a runic knife, but it took skill to be one with an apple-corer. (p. 103)"

"If her cottage had been any more organic it would have had a pulse. (p. 104)"

"Things were not what they seemed. But then, as Granny always said, they never were. (p. 133)"