"Now, you listen here: 'e's not the Messiah, 'e's a very naughty boy! Now go away!"

"So, there you are! I might have known it would end up like this. To think of all the love and affection I've wasted o…"

"And there shall in that time be rumours of things going astray, and there will be a great confusion as to where thing…"

"A man shall strike his donkey."

"... And the beast shall be huge and black, and the eyes thereof red with the blood of living creatures, and the whore…"

"Cheer up, Brian. You know what they say: Some things in life are bad. They can really make you mad. Other things just…"

"Oh, what I wouldn't give to be spat at in the face. I sometimes hang awake at night dreaming of being spat at in the …"

"You lucky bastards! You lucky, jammy bastards!"

"A motion picture destined to offend nearly two thirds of the civilized world. And severely annoy the other third."

"What Jesus blatantly fails to appreciate is that it's the meek who are the problem."