machinima

"Doctor Chalmers: "Hello, young males. Are your parents at home?" Sam: "Parents? I'm 26." Doctor Chalmers: "May I remind you that people have parents regardless of their age? I myself have two." Wade: "Hey, me too, man." Sam: "Can we help you?" Doctor Chalmers: "I have a dilly of a pickle on my hands, I don't really know how to explain it." Sam: "Close guess: You don't know where you are or how you got here?" Doctor Chalmers: "Are you mocking me? I find that most offensive." Sam: "In fact, you can't even remember your own name." Doctor Chalmers: "That's exactly right." Wade: "Have you checked your underwear, dude?" Doctor Chalmers: "Excuse me, son? I don't engage in that kind of talk." Sam: "We don't know much either. In fact, we're just figuring out our names." Wade: "His name is Sam." Sam: "And this is Wade." Wade: "Durrnt, dude." Doctor Chalmers: "Your name is Durrntdude?" Wade: "No, Durrnt . . . , dude." Doctor Chalmers: "I need to speak to someone who can talk." Sam: ". . ." Doctor Chalmers: "You people are no help to me! Good day!""

"Doctor Chalmers: "I mean really!""

"Doctor Chalmers: "All this nonsense over a fish. . . . They don't even appreciate it!" Sam: "What do you want them to do; say thanks?" Doctor Chalmers: "They should be helping out. Contribute to the group!" Sam: "They're pets!" Doctor Chalmers: "Exactimundo. We shouldn't be pampering them. We need to assess their worth." Sam: "Fish." Doctor Chalmers: "We need to test their limits of physical capabilities." Sam: "I don't think Spike and Sheila have 'physical capabilities.'" Doctor Chalmers: "Spike and Sheila? Who?" Sam: "Our new fish.""

"Doctor Chalmers: "How else are you going to indicate which one you want to eat?" Sam: "What?" Doctor Chalmers: "You can't just say 'I want to eat anonymous.' I mean really!""

"Doctor Chalmers: "I'll tell you what's right. When you combine Christmas and Hanukkah, you get twenty days of presents.""

"Doctor Chalmers: "With that attitude, I wouldn't expect a visit from Moses Claus.""

"Sam: "Don't you ever spend time at your house?" Doctor Chalmers: "I would, but someone has to clean up that pigsty. It's a mess." Sam: "Aren't you the only one who's ever been there?" Doctor Chalmers: "What is your point exactly?" Sam: "Look, I'm actually glad you're here. We need to talk." Doctor Chalmers: "I've already told you; this is my sweater vest." Sam: "No, it's not that." Doctor Chalmers: "And it was someone else who ate your delicious, homemade chocolate cake." Sam: "Someone ate my chocolate cake?" Doctor Chalmers: "Now, how would I know? . . . And don't ask me about the empty milk jar either.""

"Wade: "Dude! Other dude! Outrageous news, man!" Doctor Chalmers: "Oh no. Did Tovar get his head stuck in the dryer again?" Wade: "No." Sam: "The vaccum?" Wade: "No." Doctor Chalmers: "The garbage disposal?" Wade: "No, the toaster oven. But also . . . , there's been a murder, man!" Sam and Doctor Chalmers: "What?!" Wade: "Thats right! Nikki's dead!" Sam: "No! Not Nikki!" Doctor Chalmers: "Which one was she? Was she the one with the tiara?" Wade: "No, the other one." Doctor Chalmers: "Oh dear. Poor little other one. Oh.""

"Sam: "I can't believe it; she's really dead! Doctor Chalmers: I can't believe she's been living here all by herself. This place is huge! I've got dibs on her appliances!""

"Doctor Chalmers as Randy Jackson: "Look dawg, you know you're my dawg, right? I mean really, it totally canine! I was feelin' it, it was hot . . . , dawg. Mmm, I felt the hot dog, but yo dawg, not big on the song choice. A little pitchy. Little pitchy, a'ight?""

"Doctor Chalmers: "What up, dawg?""

"Tovar, as his oven catches on fire behind him: "What did Yay forget besides name? Hmm . . . Yay! Is garbage day! No."

"Griggs: "What your challenge, Charlie?" Tovar: "Yay am being from other country." Griggs: "Yeah, probably some foreign country, like Maine." Tovar: "Also, I burn down house; and burn moustachio!"

"Tovar: "Yay! That is why I'd be burning down my house!" Omnipotent voice: No, that was all you, moron."

"Tovar: "Starvation is like diet, with pain.""

"Tovar: "Is insult to God, is insult to person, and is insult to fish!""

"Tovar: "Yay! Tovar is having a good time!""

"Tovar: "Why is Nikki? Why is her, and not someone Tovar does not like . . . such as Old Guy(Chalmers), or the nerd(Sam)?"

"Tovar: "Poor Nikki. So sad to see her die in tornado." Sam: "There was no tornado." Tovar: "Plane crash." Sam: "No." Tovar: "Surface fire?" Sam: "NO!" Tovar: "Ah yes, Godzilla took her life." Wade: "Whyyyyy?" Tovar: "Fire breathing menace." Wade: "Whyyyyy?" Tovar: "He totalled the scene." Wade: "Why..." Tovar: "Curse you Godzilla! With your green spines, and firey breath, Tovar has bad breath too, but he takes mints now and then!""

"Tovar: Goodbye, Sam! Do not forget to be nerd!"

"Tovar: Tovar is having best idea for costume yet! Mustachio! Also, are many choices - for instance: Cowboy moustachio, Fancy moustachio, Milk moustachio, or - like Tovar - Sexy moustachio! Is even looking good on the ladies!"

"Tovar: "Hello, it was being very hot today." Sam: "...How hot was it?" Tovar: "Was so hot, Tovar is needing to remove coat. But no have coat! Is back hair!" Sam: "You suck!""

"Tovar: "Tovar is throwing up in hand.""

"Tovar: "Yai, am hungry to eat own soul.""

"Nikki: "You can dress as a witch really cheaply. Just wear all black and carry a broom." Tovar: "Yai, if wanting to look like goth maid. Could also listen to The Cure while scrubbing toilet.""

"[Washington approaches the Red Base]"

"Malcolm Hargrove: Dear Director, due to your busy schedule, we have begun interviewing members of your staff. I'm certain you will let us know if this bothers you. However our debriefings keep coming back to a single subject at Outpost 17-B. Can you explain to us what this Meta is, and what your plans are to deal with it?"

"Miller: This here is Special Agent Washington, from Blue Command. He has something fantastic he needs to talk to you about."

"Leonard Church: Dear Chairman. Rest assured we have the situation under control. While the Meta is proving to be an elusive enemy, our Recovery agent is already closing in on it. I expect this incident will reach a conclusion soon, and I will be able to return to my research. Hopefully, without further interruption."

"Church: Caboose? Caboose, is that you?"

"Washington: Come on, let's move out."

"Malcolm Hargrove: Dear Director. We can all understand that the shift from autonomy to oversight can be a difficult adjustment for anyone, but especially someone of your standing. In that spirit, we have attempted to accommodate your brief explanations to our serious inquiries. None the less, I feel compelled to inform you, that even our trust has its limits."

"Caboose: What do you think he'll do for a distraction?"

"Leonard Church: Dear Chairman. The Meta is nothing more than an entity seeking to increase its power, in these confusing days after the war. From my perspective, that seems to be a very common occurrence at the moment."

"Church: Hey, see that purple one? She's on our team. You should help her."

"Washington: Caboose! Toss that grenade! [Throws a frag grenade over the wall]"

"Caboose: I just want everyone to know that I have no problems walking. And I take full responsibility for the grenade incident."

"Malcolm Hargrove: Dear Director. Your program was granted the use of a single artificial intelligence unit, for implantation experiments. Yet, the department records clearly show, multiple agents in the field with implants, during the same timeframes. Surely this must be a logging error, and we anticipate a corrected document soon."

"Washington: Apparently they already have a shortcut on their keyboard for reporting his team kills."

"Command: Recovery One, come in, level zero come in."

"Dellario: I just wanna know why we have wall duty for the third day straight and Tubbs pulls motor pool every time."

"Leonard Church: Dear Chairman, I understand your concern that increased activity will bring increased risks. However, our failsafes are simple but foolproof: a dead or dying agent’s beacon automatically notifies our Recovery team, and we will be on the scene immediately to secure all the military’s property."

"Washington: Look, there’s our cycle. The Meta must be here."

"Malcolm Hargrove: Dear Director. I feel you're avoiding the question. If this target was already in possession of an A.I. unit, how was he able to secure an additional unit from Agent South? Would not that verify, as we indicated earlier, that your program now runs experiments with more than one artificial intelligence? If so, where did these additional A.I. come from? And more importantly, how did your agency procure them?"

"Grif: Don't you think it's ironic that you're about to shoot us because we don't have enough ammo?"

"Red Soldier: Any last words?"

"Simmons: Sarge?"

"Simmons: Shotgun!"

"Aiden Price: You are Private Walter Henderson, correct?"

"Leonard Church: A response, from the Director of Project Freelancer. Dear Chairman. While I am obligated to assist your investigation, I ask that you not waste my time with irrelevant questions. My agency is normally unconcerned with such minute directives as troop reassignment. Except of course, in the most critical of matters."