"C'mon, Barton, you think you know about pain? You think I made your life hell? Take a look around this dump. You're just a tourist with a typewriter, Barton, I live here, don't you understand that? And you come into MY home... and you complain that I'M making too... much... noise."

"Look upon me! I'll show you the life of the mind! I'll show you the life of the mind!"

"Look, Bart, barring a preference we're going to put you to work on a wrestling picture, Wallace Beery. I say this because they tell me you know the poetry of the streets, so that would rule out westerns, pirate pictures, screwball, Bible, Roman... look, I'm not one of those guys who thinks poetic has got to be fruity. We're together on that, aren't we? I mean I'm from New York myself, well, Minsk if you want to go all the way back. Which we won't, if you don't mind and I ain't asking. Now people are going to say to you, Wallace Beery, wrestling, it's a B picture. You tell them: BULLSHIT! We do NOT make B pictures here at Capitol. Let's put a stop to that rumor RIGHT now!"

"We're only interested in one thing, Bart. Can you tell a story? Can you make us laugh? Can you make us cry? Can you make us want to break out in joyous song? Is that more than one thing? Okay!"

"I run this dump, and I don't know the technical mumbo-jumbo. Why do I run it? Cause I got horse sense, goddamit. SHOWMANSHIP! And also, and I hope Lou told you this, I am bigger and meaner and louder than any other kike in this town. Did you tell him that, Lou? And I don't mean my dick is bigger than yours, it's not a sexual thing, although you're the writer, you'd know more about that. Coffee?"

"Tony Shalhoub - Ben Geisler"

"John Mahoney - W.P. Mayhew"

"Judy Davis - Audrey Taylor"

"Michael Lerner - Jack Lipnick"

"John Goodman - Charlie Meadows"

"John Turturro - Barton Fink"

"Harvey Pekar — Real Harvey"

"Hope Davis — Joyce Brabner"

"Paul Giamatti — Harvey Pekar"

"Danielle: [to Harvey] Joyce is right. You are obsessive-compulsive."

"Real Harvey: It seemed that real, salt of the earth people like Toby and me were being co-opted by these huge corporations. We were getting held up and ridiculed as losers in the system. What can I say, it was the '80s, man."

"Crumb: You turned yourself into a comic hero?"

"Young Harvey: I ain't no super hero, lady. I'm just a kid from the neighborhood, all right?"

"Hamburgers are a safer addiction than drugs. Say no to drugs. Say yes to White Castle."

"[regarding "Revenge of the Nerds"] Yes, I consider myself a nerd. And this movie has uplifted me."

"[to Harvey] You know, you should try believing in something bigger than yourself. It might cheer you up."

"I recommend the piña coladas. They are excellent and very authentic tasting."

"I find most of American cities to be depressing in the same way."

"[referring to David Letterman] Megalomaniac."

"I'll have you know that I come from a very dysfunctional family. I can spot personality disorders a mile away."

"I guess I have a lot of borderline health disorders that limit me politically when it comes to eating."

"Harvey, we better skip this whole courtship thing and just get married."

"Why does everything in my life have to be such a complicated disaster?!"

"Yeah, I know I'm not as interesting as The Little Mermaid and all that magical crap."

"I've had enough bad experiences and growth to last me plenty...Right now, I'd be glad to trade some growth for happiness."

"Man, she's got good looking handwriting."

"Look Toby, the guys in that movie are not 28 year-old file clerks who live with their grandmothers in an ethnic ghetto...They didn't get their computers like you did, by trading in a bunch of box tops and $49.50 at the supermarket...Sure, go to the movies and daydream, but Revenge of the Nerds ain't reality. It's just Hollywood bullshit."

"Donal Logue — Stage Harvey"

"Molly Shannon — Stage Joyce"

"Maggie Moore — Alice Quinn"

"Danielle Batone — Real Danielle"