"Abby, you and Harper have a perfect relationship. Why do you want to ruin that by engaging in one of the most archaic institutions in the history of the human race?"

"Isn't this the best time of the year? I mean, really."

"[after Abby is introduced to him as Harper's orphan friend]: Yes, of course. It's terrible. [pats her shoulder] There, there."

"[repeated line to Abby]: I'm tracking you."

"Kristen Stewart - Abigail "Abby" Holland"

"Come with me to my parents' house for Christmas. I want to wake up with you on Christmas morning. And if that doesn't convince you to love Christmas, I'll never bring it up again."

"I am not hiding you. I am hiding me."

"[to Abby]: How can you not love the lights and the decorations and the Christmas trees?"

"[about Harper]: She is my person and I really want everyone to know that. I want to marry her."

"Thank you for trying to get me to like Christmas. I love that you love it. I'm just so content taking care of other people's pets when they're away for the holiday."

"[to her sister, Sloane]: Snowman pancakes? God, that’s a lot of work for something that’s just gonna turn to shit. Oh, but that’s kind of like your law degree."

"Shut up, Jane!"

"I know this is very old-fashioned, but I am probably gonna ask her dad for his blessing and propose to her on Christmas morning."

"Let me know if you guys need any more room. I can make myself real small."

"[to Sloane]: Freeze! Don’t move one more muscle before I hug you!"

"Do you know how painful it's been to watch the person that I love choose to hide me?"

"Yesterday I never felt closer to another person in my entire life, and now I don't know her. I thought she loved me and was happy, but I see her here and she's so terrified of what everyone thinks. It's just making me wonder who the real Harper is."

"[after meeting Riley]: Well, who knows, maybe another one of your exes will bring out dessert."

"[after Harper accidentally destroys her painting]: I put 100 hours into that painting, and you... you just destroyed it like it was nothing. It was something. I am something. And guess what: I like myself. And maybe you all don’t because I’m not fancy. But whether you like it or not, I’m a part of this family, and I will not be left out anymore!"

"I had night terrors. They put me down here so I wouldn't wake everyone up."

"I always skated circles around you."

"I don't know about you, but I am single and I am ready to mingle."

"Come on, guys. Just hug it out."

"You have no idea what goes on in other people’s families, so you need to just keep your mouth shut!"

"Jake McDorman - Connor"

"So her parents think that their straight daughter brought home her lesbian friend for Christmas?"

"Have they ever met a lesbian?"

"[while fighting with Harper and Abby wants to interfere]: You stay out of this, Sappho!"

"Burl Moseley - Eric"

"Harper isn't out and her parents don't know we're together."

"[to the question that does she have a boyfriend]: No. But I have. Cause... I have had many. Um, but‐but not too many; an‐an appropriate amount. I actually just went through a breakup. Yeah, with, um, he was a... he was a milk man."

"[to her parents]: Eric and I are getting a divorce. We separated a few months ago. And the truth is I didn’t tell you because without my family I’m worthless to you. We’ve spent our entire lives trying to earn your love, and I’m done, too."

"Sloane wasn't lying! I'm gay. And I am in love with Abby. I'm sorry I didn't tell you guys sooner, but I know how much appearances and reputation matter to you. And me being gay didn't fit into the plan. But I let myself hurt Riley because I was so scared that you'd find out I wasn't who you wanted me to be, and I still regret it. I can't do that to Abby and throw away our life together. So I am done being scared, and I am done keeping secrets."

"Way to stick it to the patriarchy. Really well done."

"Everybody's story is different. Just because Harper isn't ready doesn't mean she never will be, and it doesn't mean she doesn't love you."

"Harper is a lesbian! Abby is her girlfriend."

"The money doesn't matter. When I sell my book, I'll take care of all of us."

"I have a way with routers."

"Daniel DiMaggio as Young Dusty"

"John Lithgow as Don Whitaker"

"Linda Cardellini as Sara Whitaker"

"Mel Gibson as Kurt Mayron"

"Scarlett Estevez as Megan Mayron"

"Liam Neeson as himself"

"John Cena as Roger"

"Will Ferrell as Brad Whitaker"

"Didi Costine as Adrianna"

"Bill Burr as Jerry"

"Owen Vaccaro as Dylan Mayron"

"Mark Wahlberg as Dusty Mayron"