The Thief and the Cobbler

"King Nod: [muttering] Oh, well, yes, Zigzag. If you really think so."

"Zigzag: [pulls a tack from Tack's mouth] Attacked me."

"Princess Yum-Yum: Oh, really?"

"[Zigzag tries to have Tack executed, but trips over the cobbler's legs then falls on the floor, with tacks on his arms. Everyone laughed.]"

"Zigzag: Oooh! Ow!"

"Goblet: [to everyone, off-screen] Quiet!"

"Zigzag: [to Tack while holding him under his foot] You great fool!"

"[the Thief is climbing up the sewer pipes] Thief: Whoa! Mom! What are you doing here?! Thief's Mom: What am I doing here?! What are you doing here?! You never visit! You never call! Has ya got a girl yet?! C'mon! Hey, you look skinny!"

"[As ZigZag is showing his powers to King One-Eye] ZigZag: I conjure demons, charm beasts,[creates a hoop of fire] and birds of prey, too. Phido! [pulls on Phido's leash] Phido: C'mon, boss! I need a rehearsal here! [jumps through the hoop, his tail feathers are set on fire] Fire! Fire! Fire!"

"[King Nod beats up ZigZag in a panic] Just a night fear! Such things could never happen here! Such things would never happen... Well, they haven't happened yet. Can't you see the golden balls are safe atop the minaret?"

"[repeated line] Oh, great King Nod, have no fear! Zigzag, your grand vizier, is here!"

"It's not time to get up. Too early to rise. Too early to open the king's sleepy eyes."

"[Whispering to himself while hearing the Golden Balls bounce out of control] Is this opportunity ringing? [whispers to his minions] I think there are some balls you should be bringing. [King Nod turns; they smile innocently at him. Whispers once more to his minions:] Get those balls. Keep out of sight. Bring them to me, late tonight."

"[After Tack steps between him and Yum-Yum] What, cobbler?! [attacks Tack]"

"We'll see who wins at the end of the day... we'll see who ends up grieving! I'll go to the One-Eyes right away! I'M TAKING MY BALLS AND LEAVING!"

"Oh Phhhhhh-Phido!"

"The camp of the One-Eyes... how very nice! Perhaps they'll be willing to pay my price! I'll have those barbarians kissing my feet! [to Phido who squawks begging for food] And maybe, we'll find you something to eat... eh, Phido? [The One-Eye's soldiers appear, putting their spears at his throat] Gentlemen, gentlemen, what a delight to meet you all here on such a fine night."

"My friends! It grieves me to see you fed on persons like me, with no meat. Just help me a little, and I won't forget to feed you each day, a surprise that is plump, portly, paunchy, and FAT! FAT! FAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT!"

"Faster, faster! Take me to your master! One little mistake will suffice! Don't treat me lightly twice! Take me to your master!"

"My friends, my friends! Are you still here? I haven't fed you yet, I fear."

"[as he is being eaten by alligators] Oh, my bottom! Ow, my top! Greedies, don't you ever stop?"

"[dying words] You too, Phido?...man's best friend? For ZigZag then...It is...The End."

"Who dares enter the camp of the Mighty One-Eye?"

"[to ZigZag] You say you can charm beasts? [laughs; inhales] Throw him, to the alligators!"

"ONE-EYES... ATTACK!"

"[shouting] ONE-EYES... ONE-EYES... ONE-EYES WIN AGAIN! I shall gnaw the Golden City to the bone! [bites off a piece of ham] And I shall spit it out! [spits out the piece of ham] No one is left alive to warn them! One-Eyes! One-Eyes! The day of death has come to the Golden Land! And I shall conquer the Golden City! I shall trample and break them! And not show pity! No man escapes the MIGHTY ONE-EYE!"

"[shouting] ONE-EYES... WIN AGAIN! No one is left alive to warn them! And I shall conquer the Golden City!"

"[when the machine is shown burning] I'm getting out of here."

"[first lines] Good morning, Arabia! I've had my coffee, read the paper, now it's time to get to work."

"What a dump! Nobody lives like this except college kids!"

"[as Tack, asleep, sews parts of the Thief's cloak together] He's stitchin' me up like a boot! Sorry kid, this boot was made for walkin'."

"My father, a fireman, twenty years on the force, instilled in me the attitude of "Never say die!" [the pole he's on to steal the three golden balls bends:] Although, frequently say, "Ahhh ahhhh ahhhh ahhh ahhh!""

"[looks at his reflection in the palace wall] AAAAAAAAAH!"

"[flies through the window of a woman's apartment with a rose in his mouth; woman screams from inside] Ooh... naughty."

"Everything hurts, why do I do this? What's the point... [sees the Three Golden Balls] Oh yeah! Pain's gone! [sinisterly] Feeling good...feeling fine..."

"[running through the palace] Who decorated this place?"

"[the Thief is on hanging onto a pole, stealing the golden balls] You're gonna buy me a castle by the sea. [as he takes the second ball] Hmm. And you're gonna buy me everything I need to turn a basement into a rec room. [as he takes the last ball] And with you...I tell you sweet heart, I'm going to Disneyland."

"What's that? [sees Yum-Yum taking a bath] Oh, a naked lady... but wait! a golden backscratcher!"

"[A polo ball is chasing him.] Shoo! Leave me alone! It's a DEVIL ball!"

"Oh, hello, ball. BALL?!"

"Gotta get the ruby off the fat guy's head... gotta get the ruby off the fat guy's head... gotta get... [Runs into sign; reading] "No Prayers Past this Point". Hmmm... [turns; runs into another sign] They should have a sign, "Beware of Signs"!"

"[a reference to the Night on Bald Mountain segment in Fantasia] Here goes nothin'. [the Night on Bald Mountain plays in the background; the Thief is holding palm leaves as wings, and then jumps off the cliff and flaps his arms] I'm flyin'! I'm flyin' I'm flyin'! [falls into the bushes]"

"[to Princess Yum-Yum in Sean Connery's voice] I love you."

"[to Princess Yum-Yum] And I love you."

"Nothing wrong with being a Cobbler. [sighs] Why can't I ever talk when it matters?"

"No don't! Not the shoe. Who are you?"

"Stop! Stop, you thief!"

"Ye-Yes, Ma'am."

"Give it back!"

"Oh, no. Zigzag."