"Well, I’d rather have a bottle in front of me than a frontal lobotomy."

"And sometime around 2 AM you end up taking advantage of yourself. Ain't no way around that. Making a scene with a mag…"

"Don't you know there ain't no devil, there's just God when he's drunk."

"I know a place where a royal flush can never beat a pair, and even Thomas Jefferson is On The Nickel over there."

"I'm so goddamn horny, the crack of dawn better be careful around me!"

"Your veal cutlet gets up off the plate, It walks down to end of the counter and beat the shit out of my cup of coffee…"

"I don't have a drinking problem ‘cept when I can't get a drink."

"And the things you can’t remember tell the things you can forget, that history puts a saint in every dream."

"The piano has been drinking, not me."

"If I exorcise my devils, well, my angels may leave too."