"All persons, living and dead, are purely coincidental."

"I say in speeches that a plausible mission of artists is to make people appreciate being alive at least a little bit.…"

"If this isn't nice, what is?"

"There is no way a beautiful woman can live up to what she looks like for any appreciable length of time."

"It used to be said of a man who had suffered a catastrophic setback in his line of work that he had been handed his h…"

"If you really want to hurt your parents, and you don’t have nerve enough to be a homosexual, the least you can do is …"

"Slaughterhouse-Five has been turned Into an opera by a young German, And will have its premiere in Munich this June. …"

"You want to know why I don’t have AIDS, why I'm not HIV-positive like so many other people? I don’t fuck around. It’s…"

"If your brains were dynamite, there wouldn’t be enough to blow your hat off."

"Extenuating circumstance to be mentioned on Judgment Day: We never asked to be born in the first place."