"If you want big rewards, you gotta take big risks."

"Everything you do, on the field and off the field, affects your wallet. It's a shame to be hitting 190 on the field b…"

"Why stop with the press box? Huh? If you're gonna start fires, why don't you burn down Main Street?! Hah! You know, t…"

"Wood bats suck! Why do you think God invented aluminum?"

"Hey Ryan, Miles here thinks you have a nice pooper."

"So you mow her lawn, and now you're trying to mow her lawn?"

"Miles Dalrymple: Excuse me, I am tired of living a lie. I need it to be known that I like a big girl. In fact, a larg…"

"Are you game?"

"Baseball's a sport. Love's the game for Freddie Prinze, Jr. and Jessica Biel."

"I feel comfortable in my thong!"