"I don't get paid enough to care."

"Celebrity Gossip: It hurts, it tears down, it destroys. I love it."

"(Audience is aww'ing to the evil puppy)"Don't aww to him, he's evil. He will take your souls into a deepest place in …"

"Early, crap. Late, good. That's our motto here at Late Night."

"No, no, we're the good crap now!"

"There is an innate difficulty in accepting the existence of evil in a world ruled by a maleficent divine force, when …"

"Max Weinberg "Hey look Conan you have a talk bubble.""

"Max Weinberg: Hey, sometimes condoms break! Deal with it, Missy!"

"Max Weinberg: Having trouble in school? All those classes making your head spin? Well maybe you're just not very smar…"

"Conan O'Brien: Just cos all your friends are having sex doesn't mean you have to. Despite what everyone says, it's OK…"