"We live in a civilized community. I have a shower cap."

"You saw the way he loves that thing... he brushes its teeth!"

"Oh God! Our daughter's a nip head!"

"(After Kate has torn up a rug) Awesome. Am I the only one turned on by this? (Kate looks at him angrily) Yes I am."

"If I wasn't white, I'd be dancin'!"

"Hey! I'm a lion! You were upset, so I attacked!"

"Weird. I suddenly feel the urge to chug a beer and chase around a heavy set bar wench."

"Well, aren't you glad I didn't say banana?"

"(Questioning catnip) Maybe one of my friends put it there? Or maybe it's Siegfried and Roy's. I mean that would defin…"

"Why are you talking like a black man from 1991?"