"I'm not even supposed to be here today."

"Hey, try not to suck any dick on your way through the parking lot!"

"Yeah, I mean aside from the cheating, we were a great couple. I mean, that's what high school was about: algebra, bad…"

"Hey, I'm a firm believer in the philosophy of a ruling class, especially since I rule."

"I like to think I'm a master of my own destiny."

"Everybody who comes in here is way too uptight. This job would be great if it wasn't for the fucking customers."

"Shit, my mom's been fucking a dead guy for 30 years. I call him Dad."

"Jay: I feel good today, Silent Bob. We're gonna make some money, then you know what we're going to do? We're gonna go…"

"Female Customer: It's important to have a job that makes a difference, boys. That's why I manually masturbate caged a…"

"Just because they serve you doesn't mean they like you."