"All every woman really wants, be it mother, senator, nun, is some serious deep-dickin'."

"I feel a hate crime coming on."

"[to Alyssa] Since you like chicks, right, do you just look at yourself naked in the mirror all the time?"

"Archie is not fucking Mr. Weatherbee!"

"What difference does it make if I refer to her as a dyke? Or if I call the Whalers a bunch of faggots in the comfort …"

"I'm going to prove to you beyond a shadow of a doubt that Archie is all about pussy!"

"I'm telling you that chick is probably a bigger germ farm than that monkey in Outbreak!"

"Catholic school girls. The uniform's what does it for me. I wish I had've went with more Catholic school girls when I…"

"It's not who you love, it's how."

"This is all going to end badly."