"Jeremy Thompson: [On 'six months on' special] It's just not something you ever expect to have to say on air: "removing the head or destroying the brain". Extraordinary."

"Jeremy Thompson: [During emergency news broadcast] In extreme circumstances, the assailants can be stopped by removing the head or destroying the brain. I will repeat that: by removing the head or destroying the brain."

"Radio Newscaster: The Church of England has joined other extremist religious groups in proclaiming the phenomenon 'a sign of the coming apocalypse', although Downing Street is refusing to be drawn into a religious debate."

"Trisha Goddard: [re: a guest who still loves her undead husband.] You go to bed with it?!"

"Pete: It's four in the "fucking morning"!"

"Pete: Fuck-a-doodle-doo!"

"Pete: And the front door is open... again!"

"Pete: [To Shaun] Sort your fucking life out, mate!"

"Various: [to Shaun, repeated line.] You've got red on you."

"Barbara: [final words.] It's been a funny sort of day, hasn't it?"

"Phillip: [On his zombie bite.] I'm perfectly alright, Barbara. I ran it under a cold tap."

"David: I'm not the one being unreasonable, pickle!"

"David: For a hero, you're quite a hypocrite!"

"Diane: [Repeated line] SHAUUUUN!"

"Diane: [describing the appearance of a zombie.] Vacant, with a hint of sadness. Like a drunk who's lost a bet."

"Liz: I can see what David is trying to say, even if he is being a twat!"

"Liz: PLEASE, CAN WE JUST CALM... THE FUCK... DOWN!"

"Liz: If I don't do something, I'm going to end up going into that pub every night for the rest of my life like the rest of those sad old fuckers, drinking myself to death and wondering what the hell happened."

"There's a girl in the garden. [Shaun: What?] In the garden, there's a girl."

"Who the bloody hell put this on?"

"[repeating phone messages to Shaun] Well, your mum rang about going out tonight, then Liz rang about the two of you eating out tonight, and then your mum rang back to see if I wanted to eat her out tonight."

"Watch the leather (reference to Dazed and Confused)"

"You believe everything you hear on TV?"

"Oi, prick!"

"Can I get any of you cunts a drink?"

"WE'RE COMING TO GET YOU, BARBARA! (reference to Night of the Living Dead)"

"[repeated line.] Two seconds."

"[Indicates hand movement of sex] "Café au lait" [Moans and points at Shaun] "Pour Vous""

"[repeated line.] Cock it!"

"[to Shaun as he goes to save Barbara] Don't forget to kill Phillip!"

"Yeeaah, boy!"

"Wa'ssup, niggas?"

"[to David when he complains about the window] You did that, you twat!"

"Who died and made you fucking king of the zombies?"

"[When Ed says he's sorry and Shaun smells his farts] Oh my god, that is rotten!"

"[Ed points out that Pete is in the bar.] Fuck-a-doodle-doo!"

"[When about to attack a zombified John] Okay, John. It's time at the bar!"

"[As zombified Pete is biting Ed] PETE! I SAID, LEAVE HIM ALONE! [Shoots and kills zombified Pete.]"

"Would anyone like... a peanut?"

"(after Ed gives him a beer) Thanks Babe."

"[distracting a zombie horde.] Come and get it! It's a running buffet! All you can eat!"

"What's the matter, David? Never taken a shortcut before? (This line would be repeated in Hot Fuzz)"

"[coming across zombified Pete] Ah! Sorry, Pete, sorry... listen, we're gonna borrow your car, okay, hope you don't mind and – ah – later on, if you're feeling better, w-we're going down to the pub, so you're m-more than welcome to, to... [whispered] join us.(A reference to The Evil Dead)."