"I am reminded of a line from Erich Segal's Love Story: "Love means never having to say you're sorry." However, it is with sincere regret that I must now kill all of you."

"Ah, music. Yes, I'm rather fond of the music of the day. "I am a picker, I am a grinner / I am a lover and I am a sinner / I play my music in the sun". If only Shakespeare had been as eloquent."

"Every Family Has Its Demons"

"Strange Is Relative"

"The legend bites back."

"Johnny Depp - Barnabas Collins,"

"Helena Bonham Carter - Dr. Julia Hoffman"

"Eva Green - Angelique Bouchard"

"Jackie Earle Haley - Willie Loomis"

"Jonny Lee Miller - Roger Collins"

"Bella Heathcote - Victoria Winters"

"Chloë Grace Moretz - Carolyn Stoddard"

"Gulliver McGrath as David Collins,"

"Ray Shirley - Mrs. Johnson,"

"Christopher Lee - Silas Clarney"

"Alice Cooper - himself."

"Ivan Kaye - Joshua Collins"

"Susanna Cappellaro - Naomi Collins"

"William Hope - Sheriff Bill of Collinsport"

"Hannah Murray - Hippie Chick"

"Guy Flanagan - Bearded Hippie"

"[from TV spot] In California you'll find fun, romance... and vampires."

"Initiation's over, Michael. Time to join the club!"

"That's what I love about this place. You ask, and then you get."

"[entering their cave] Not bad, huh? This was the hottest resort in Santa Carla about 85 years ago. It's too bad that they built it on the San Andreas Fault. In 1906, when the Big One hit San Francisco, the ground opened up and this place took a header right into the crack. So now, it's ours."

"[to Alan] How much you think we should charge out of this?"

"I think I should warn you all, when a vampire buys it, it's never a pretty sight. No two blood suckers go out the same way. Some yell and scream, some go quietly, some explode, some implode. But all will try and take you with them."

"Holy smoke, Vampire Hotel."

"We don't ride with vampires. [Realizes that they're just outside of the Vampires' cave] We do now."

"Holy smoke, it's the attack of Eddie Munster!"

"Let's start with the little one. First come, first staked."

"[to Star] Don't kill anybody until we get back to you!"

"Alex Winter - Marko"

"Jami Gertz - Star"

"Corey Feldman - Edgar Frog"

"Jamison Newlander - Alan Frog"

"Chance Michael Corbitt - Laddie Thompson"

"It's that girl from the boardwalk. Is she one of them?... [Star floats up] She's one of them! And don't tell me it doesn't make her a bad person, Mike!"

"Don't kill me, Mike. I'm basically a good kid, so just don't kill me."

"Look at your reflection in the mirror. You're a creature of the night, Michael. Just like out of a comic book. You're a vampire, Michael! My own brother, a damn blood-sucking vampire! You wait 'til Mom finds out, buddy!"

"You need sunglasses to talk on the phone? Are you freebasing, Michael? Inquiring minds want to know."

"What's wrong with this picture? There's no TV! Have you seen a TV, Mike? I haven't seen a TV. Do you know what it means when there's no TV? No MTV."

"Brooke McCarter - Paul"

"Billy Wirth - Dwayne"

"Kiefer Sutherland - David"