"On dopplegangers - No because only it would only get me into trouble won't it? Because people won't believe there's another one like me. Otherwise everyone would be saying that when they get caught robbing, they go Oh it wasn't me it was me doppleganger."

"The first time you watch it you'll probably cry a bit. The second time you watch it you will probably think - boy that would be bad having a head like that being picked on - the third time you are probably thinking, er, how does he get his jumper on, er, then dunno probably bored of it the fourth time. But, but it's well worth watching."

"If I was Noah, I would have gone, Hang on a minute, I've just seen somethin' that looks a bit like this, let it drown, have a bit of a clear out, but he was messin' about savin' everythin'"

"Why didn't evolution make a giraffe good at carpentry so it could build a ladder?"

"You know how they say people have six senses? There's loads more than that. [The ability to feel someone looking at you], that's been around since man and dinosaur were knockin' about."

"If anythin', like I said, he didn't do us a favour, he saved too much. You can't move out there for stuff (Referring to Noah saving every animal)"

"By 78 you've done everything you're going to do. If you haven't bungee-jumped by the time you're 78 you're not going to do it."

"All I'm saying is that old people need to be old people. You need oldness. You need to see old people. You need to go Right, they might have a solution they've been on the earth longer. Quick, we need an answer. How old are yer? - I'm 32 - Well you look 78!"

"We came from the sea originally, now we're going back in it. Don't go in it, unless you're in a boat."

"Stop looking at the walls, look out the window."

"Karl: You've never been to China."

"...but it’s all about ‘a gorilla and a fox are walking thru the woods.’ How often does that happen?"

"That's the problem with them fables, they're putting animals together that wouldn't meet. I don't know where a scorpion is knockin' around with a frog."

"Ricky: You are the strangest man alive."

"On identical twins - You always get a little snidey one."

"If that was on my road the council would be like "Get that down, its a deathtrap!""

"Well...like, when you're born, you're a little baby, you're wrinkly and stuff, when you get older you sort of morph into a baby again..."

"The Elephant Man would never have gotten up and gone, ‘Oh, God. Look at me hair today.’"

"Treat the world like a head"

"It's like a pylon. 144px|thumb|right|It's like a pylon."

"We're just a weed in the universe"

"Are you sitting comfortably? Then I'll begin."

"TV—a clever contraction, derived from the words Terrible Vaudeville. We call it a medium, because nothing's well done."

"Late that last night, as I sat alone watching the interviews and the speeches and the what-not, she shouted to turn that thing off and come to bed. Once again politics had made estranged bedfellows."

"We are very happy to be here. Can I say that as well? This is a happy place to work. I enjoy coming in here and have done since I began coming in."

"In my wife's view, there is too much clutter. She has declared that the moment I die, she has the local skip company on rapid dial and everything will go."

"After I lost my seat, Michelle [his wife] said, "Come on, you know when one door closes ... it is shut. What do you want to do now?" And that is when I thought, I want to do a musical."

"I've been keeping a diary since I was about 11. If you don't keep a diary everything washes away. And you can live everything three times: you live it when you live it, you live it when you write it down, and you live it a third time when you re-read it. Though I have to say rereading my diary for publication was a depressing experience. You shouldn't look back."

"I don't think people know actually what it's like to be an MP. MPs are cowed, they don't stand up for themselves, they don't tell you what hell it is. All that finger food. Photocalls at the old folks homes. MPs don't kiss babies because they want to!"

"Lewis Carroll is somebody who wore different hats. He was a clergyman, a mathematician, a teacher. He wrote serious books, and amazing children's books. He was a photographer. So like most people, he was many people in one skin. Creatively, he made a greater impact than almost any other Victorian, and yet we know next to nothing about him, we just fall back on the old cliché."

"It's different now, it's different now. Now I can speak the truth. I can tell you that the one thing I really, really couldn't bear when I was an MP were my constituents. [laughter] Let's face it: the people have contempt for the politicians; it is as nothing to the contempt we have for you. [laughter] All over this country, there are politicians on their way to the Labour Party conference, coming away from the LibDem one, getting ready to go to the Conservative one, thinking "God, at last he's said it. He's said what we all feel, that happiness is the constituency in the rear-view mirror.""

"I describe what I do on the day that I do it. The nice thing for me is that I do lots of different things on lots of different days."

"[On the Conservative-Liberal Democrat coalition government] I think it should be made clear that the Conservatives and the Liberal Democrats, they have not got into bed together; they are merely sharing a room."

"I get to my desk at eight in the morning and I leave it at seven in the evening and I just work away. I'm a work machine."

"I had to pull about twenty pieces of broken glass out of my hand using tweezers and antiseptic cream. I'm never going to have a game of arm wrestling with Michael Howard again."

"One of the interesting things about writing a play is that when you've finished it you have to give it away."

"If you'd spent your life being called "Gyles Brandreth", you would crawl across broken glass to achieve the bliss, the simplicity, the purity, the joy of simply being called "Bob"."

"I busted my ass for Obama. I mean, I took my radio show on the road. I did town halls. Talked to the people. I turned the microphone over to the working folk of America. I asked them what they thought about healthcare, what they thought about the economy, what we thought about staying in wars forever. I went after it. And President Obama, he don't come to Ed. He goes to Bret Baier on Fox News in my time slot. Now, my show's gonna be okay. But if you were in my position, would you say, "What's that all about?" Loyalty."

"Ed Schultz, the Reverend Al Sharpton, Rachel Maddow, and Chris Hayes provided us with the very fair coverage we received on MSNBC."

"Unbelievably, while trade agreements have an enormous impact on the lives of millions of Americans, they are virtually never discussed on television and rarely discussed in newspapers. According to Media Matters, a nonpartisan media watchdog, as the debate on the disastrous Trans-Pacific Partnership was heating up, not one of the major networks chose to mention this trade agreement on its evening broadcast news programs from August 1, 2013, through May 10, 2015. This includes ABC World News Tonight, CBS Evening News, and NBC Nightly News. And with the exception of Ed Schultz of MSNBC, who has since been taken off the air, the cable news networks barely mentioned the TPP-a trade agreement that encompasses 40 percent of the global economy. But the workers impacted by trade deals certainly know all about them."

"When I was a kid, I was into The New York Jets. And then I got into girls as I got older, and then I got back into the Jets because I'd realized there's times when the girl won't f**k you, but the Jets will always f**k you."

"His use of the English language - especially in football reporting - has made him an icon with the youth of today."

"You would have made a player [...] You're beautiful on the ball, you're creative."

"O'Connell: Are we still on air?"

"Hall: Give cricket a shot in the bails it needs!""

"O'Connell: Let's have a break for the news so we can think about our careers."