"(To past self) ' With my help, we'll get the Arc Net, kill Agent K, the invasion will be successful and we'll get to keep both of our ar...AR...ARRR...STOP STARING AT IT!'"

"[last words] Go ahead. Arrest me."

"[repeated line] That was a close one."

"A miracle is what seems impossible but happens anyway."

"'When that ball is pitched to Davey Johnson- who only became a baseball player because his father couldn't find him a football to give him for his eighth birthday- it hits his bat two micrometers too high, causing him to pop out to Cleon Jones- who would have been born Clara, a statistical typist, if his parents didn't have an extra glass of wine that night before going to bed.'"

"I lost my planet. I don't want you to lose yours. It'll take a miracle, but if you pull this off, you'll be my new favorite moment in human history."

"-[followed on] 'Oh dear, I never see this one coming.'"

"Where there is death... there will always be death."

"You know, all movies go through a lot of drafts, and on this one, everyone just decided to make a bigger deal out of that. What I would say is, what made finessing the script harder on this one is that we were combining two genres. We were combining a Men in Black movie and a time travel movie and we had never done a time travel movie before. I can’t tell you how many times we watched Back to the Future. But the thing about time travel is you have to really set up the rules. You have to make sure the audience understands the rules. You have to make sure the characters understand the rules and you have to have the audience understand why the characters are doing the things they are doing to achieve what they need to do. And you’ve got two different Borises, you’ve got Young K and Old K. So, making these movies are hard enough and making a time travel movie is double hard. And putting them both together is quadruple hard. That’s what took a lot of drafts, because you’d think you solved a problem in the second act and then someone would wake up at 3:00 in the morning and go, “Wait a minute, we can’t kill him first, then the other one dies too.” So obviously in a perfect world you work that out [in the script] ten years ago."

"Okay! You know how you're on a airplane and the flight attendant asks you to turn your cell-phone off. And you're like, I ain't turning my cell-phone off, that don't have nothing to do with no damn airplane. Well, [Showing the crowd a crashed spaceship] this is what we get, that's what happens. It gets up there, bounces around on the satellites, then blam! Just turn your damn cell-phone off. Now you're gonna drive off a cliff tonight because your GPS don't work."

"[talking to K at Wu’s restaurant] Man, I am getting too old for this. I can only imagine how you feel."

"[looking at an ugly alien fish] Ooh, man, you look like you come from the planet... Damn."

"David Cross - Newton"

"I never worked in a funeral home. Somethin’ I can do for you, Slick?"

"Get a mop, and escort all civilian personnel from this site immediately. [After coffee has been spilt at the post office.]"

"It's nice. Sleep late on the weekends. Watch the Weather Channel. I did miss this city."

"Jeff, excuse my partner. He's new and he's... [Jeff attacks T]...kinda stupid."

"[to Jeff] Sweet dreams, big boy!"

"Transit Authority, people! We need to move to the forward car, there's a bug in the electrical system. [passengers ignore him] Yo! People! We got a bug in the electrical system!"

"[J has just saved a whole subway of passengers from being eaten alive by Jeff, the giant worm-like alien, who chewed off about 98% of the subway train before retreating] [Neuralizes subway passengers] The City of New York would like to thank you for participating in our drill. Had this been an actual emergency, y'all woulda been eaten. 'Cause you don't listen. You're ignorant. How a man gon' come bashin' thru a subway when — That's the problem with all y'all New Yorkers. "Oh, we seen it all." [feigning fear] "Oh, no! A 600 ft. worm! Save us, Mr. Black Man!" And I come in, I ask ya nice, move to the next car! Y'all just sit there like...[Neuralizes subway passengers again, regains his composure] Thank you for participating in our drill. Hopefully you enjoyed our new, smaller, more energy-efficient subway cars. Watch your step, you all have a nice evening. [walks off, neuralizing Capt. Bridgewater in the process]"

"[after Frank the Pug suggests the "good cop, bad cop thing"] How about we do the good cop, dumb dog thing, and you just shut up?"

"Jeff, I am so not in the mood for you! Get back in the subway! Right now!"

"About to lay the smack-down on your candy ass! (In homage to The Rock)"

"Yeah, every Saturday night you'd be like, "Flush me J., Flush me." and I'd be like, "Naw.""

"[After the Worms accidentally shut down the MIB headquarters upon him and K taking it back] WORMS!!"

"[After neuralizing Newton and Hailey] Okay, first, get some contact lenses, ‘cause joints look like they can pick up cable. Second, take her to Cambodia. Get her a lobster dinner. Pay more than a dollar. Third, the second y'all get back from Cambodia... move your bum ass out of your mom's house. Boy, you like forty years old."

"[After K calls for him to leave, to Newton and Hailey] Oh, and there ain't no such thing as aliens or Men in Black."

"[after seeing the Grand Central Station Locker Creatures’ ”large adult entertainment section”] That's just nasty."

"Man, tell it to the hand."

"So what's it like on the outside? Not doin’ this every day?"