"War: first, one hopes to win; then one expects the enemy to lose; then, one is satisfied that the enemy too is suffering; in the end, one is surprised that everyone has lost."

"Science is spectral analysis. Art is light synthesis."

"I hear noises which others don't hear and which disturb for me the music of the spheres, which others don't hear either."

"Many share my views with me. But I don't share them with them."

"It so often happened to me that someone who shared my opinion kept the larger share for himself that I am now forewarned and offer people only ideas."

"Moral responsibility is what is lacking in a man when he demands it of a woman."

"The secret of the demagogue is to appear as dumb as his audience so that these people can believe themselves as smart as he."

"I have often been asked to be fair and view a matter from all sides. I did so, hoping something might improve if I viewed all sides of it. But the result was the same. So I went back to viewing things only from one side, which saves me a lot of work and disappointment. For it is comforting to regard something as bad and be able use one's prejudice as an excuse."

"I and my public understand each other very well: it does not hear what I say, and I don't say what it wants to hear."

"I no longer have collaborators. I used to be envious of them. They repel those readers whom I want to lose myself."

"What is my love? That I amalgamate the bad features of a woman into a good picture. And my hatred? That I see the bad features in the picture of a bad man."

"When I read, it is not acted literature; but what I write is written acting."

"If I return some people's greetings, I do so only to give them their greeting back."

"I trim my opponents to fit my arrows."

"Many desire to kill me, and many wish to spend an hour chatting with me. The law protects me from the former."

"Nothing is more narrow-minded than chauvinism or race hatred. To me all men are equal: there are jackasses everywhere, and I have the same contempt for them all. No petty prejudices!"

"I would have stage-fright if I had to speak with every one of the people before whom I speak."

"I like to hold a monologue with women. But a dialogue with myself is more stimulating."

"Since the law prohibits the keeping of wild animals and I get no enjoyment from pets, I prefer to remain unmarried."

"Many things I am experiencing I already remember."

"Only he is an artist who can make a riddle out of a solution."

"Today's literature: prescriptions written by patients."

"Nestroy's words ought to apply to an artist and an idea: "I have made a prisoner, and he won't let go of me!""

"Most writers have no other quality than the reader: taste. But the latter has the better taste, because he does not write - and the best if he does not read."

"Hate must make a person productive; otherwise one might as well love."

"Sound opinions are valueless. What matters is who holds them."

"It is better not to express what one means than to express what one does not mean."

"The real truths are those that can be invented."

"One shouldn't learn more than what one absolutely needs against life."

"Sentimental irony is a dog that bays at the moon while pissing on graves."

"Language is the mother of thought, not its handmaiden."

"Someone who can write aphorisms should not fritter away his time writing essays."

"The closer the look one takes at a word, the greater the distance from which it looks back."

"My language is the common prostitute that I turn into a virgin."

"The making of a journalist: no ideas and the ability to express them."

"Education is what most people receive, many pass on, and few have."

"One of the most widespread diseases is diagnosis."

"Psychoanalysis is that mental illness for which it regards itself as therapy."

"So-called psychoanalysis is the occupation of lustful rationalists who trace everything in the world to sexual causes - with the exception of their occupation."

"Psychoanalysis: a rabbit that was swallowed by a boa constrictor who just wanted to see what it was like in there."

"Psychology is as useless as directions for using poison."

"How is the world ruled and led to war? Diplomats lie to journalists and believe these lies when they see them in print."

"War is at first, the hope that one will be better off; next, the expectation that the other fellow will be worse off; then, the satisfaction that the other fellow isn't any better off; and, finally, the surprise at everyone's being worse off."

"When the word "peace" was uttered for the first time, there was panic at the stock exchange. They screamed in pain: "We've been earning! Leave us the war! We've earned the war!""

"A fine world in which man reproaches woman with fulfilling his heart's desire!"

"Christianity has enriched the erotic meal with the appetizer of curiosity and the dessert of remorse."