"Blinkin Aaahhhh, you lost your arms in battle, but you grew some nice boobs (Blinkin gropes the Venus De Milo statue left behind after creditors take away Loxley Castle)"

"Will Scarlet Blinkin, fix your boobs, you look like a bleeding Picasso."

"Robin Hood: Watch my back! Achoo: Yo' back just got punched twice."

"Townspeople: A black sheriff? Blinkin: He's Black?! Ahchoo: Why not? It worked in Blazing Saddles."

"Man In Front of Castle: Hey Abbot!"

"Little John: Let's face it — you've got to be a man to wear tights!"

"King Richard: From this day forward, all toilets in this kingdom shall be known as...'Johns'!"

"Ahchoo:Man, white men can't jump!!"

"Dark Helmet : So, Lone Star, now you see that evil will always triumph because good is dumb."

"Lonestar: That's all we needed, a Druish Princess!"

"Dark Helmet [after everyone on the bridge announces that their last name is "Asshole."]: I knew it, I'm surrounded by Assholes."

"Dark Helmet: What's the matter Colonel Sandurz... chicken?!"

"President Skroob: What the hell, it works on Star Trek!"

"Dark Helmet : What? You went over my helmet?"

"Radar Officer: I've lost the sweeps, the bleeps, and the creeps! [Explains via vocal sound effects] Dark Helmet [aside to Colonel Sandurz]: That's not all he's lost."

"Dark Helmet: I see your schwartz is as big as mine."

"Excuse me, is this England?"

"Jail Inmates: Eighty fff...Eighty fff...Eighty fff...Eighty fff...Eighty Six!"

"Madame Defarge: And now, let us end this meeting on a high note. [proceeds to sing a sharp high note, followed by the rest of the revolutionaries]"

"Moses: Lord, I shall give these laws unto thy people. Do you hear me? Do you hear me?! All pay heed! The Lord! The Lord Jehovah has given unto you these fifteen- [drops one of the tablets] Oy. Ten! Ten commandments! For all to obey!"

"Tomás de Torquemada: It's better to lose your skullcap than your skull."

"King Louis XVI: [prior to his arrest] It's good to be the king. [also used in Robin Hood- Men In Tights and The Producers [Musical]]"

"Other Street Merchant: Nothing, I have absolutely nothing for sale!"

"Impoverished Paris Street Merchant (Jack Carter): Rats, rats for sale. Get your rats. Good for rat stew, rat soup, or the ever-popular ratatouille."

"Count de Monet: It is said that the people are revolting King Louis XVI: You said it. They stink on ice."

"Count de Monet: [consistently mispronounced as "count da money"] Bearnaise? Bernaise: Yes? Count de Monet: Do we have any of those delicious raisins left? Bearnaise: You ate yours. These are mine. Count de Monet: Au contraire, they are mine! I paid for them! Hand them over! Bearnaise: [gives the bag of raisins to the Count, sotto voce, mimicking] 'Au contraire, I paid for them! They're mine!' [blows a raspberry] Count de Monet: Don't be saucy with me, Bearnaise! Bernaise: [mouths] Bitch."

"Josephus: I'm Josephus, and I'm the main course over at the Colosseum!"

"Dr. Frankenstein Damn your eyes! Igor (pointing at his lazy eye) Too late!"

"Igor:: Sed-a... Inga:: Sed-a... Igor:: Dirty word! He said a dirty word!"

"Dr. Frankenstein:: Igor, would you give me a hand with the bags? Igor:: [doing a Groucho Marx] Certainly, you take the blonde and I'll take the one in the turban."

"Igor (limping off): Walk this way — and Dr. Frankenstein limps off after him."

"Igor: My grandfather used to work for your grandfather. Of course the rates have gone up."

"Sheriff Bart: Since I am your host and you are my guest what are your hobbies? What do you like to do in your free time? Jim "The Waco Kid": Oh you know, play chess...screw. Sheriff Bart: (Quickly) Let's play chess!"

"Sheriff Bart [waking up a drunk Jim in jail]: Are we awake? Jim "The Waco Kid": We're not sure. Are we...black? Sheriff Bart: Yes, we are. Jim "The Waco Kid": Then we're awake, but we're very puzzled."

"Railway Worker: You shifty nigger! They said you was hung! Sheriff Bart : And they was right!"

"Sheriff Bart: Where the white women at?"

"Sheriff Bart: Excuse me while I whip this out."

"Sheriff Bart: Good mornin', ma'am! And isn't it a lovely mornin'? Old Woman: Up yours, nigger! Jim "The Waco Kid": [consoling Bart afterwards]: What did you expect? "Welcome, sonny"? "Make yourself at home"? "Marry my daughter"? You've got to remember that these are just simple farmers … these are people of the land … the common clay of the New West. You know – morons."

"Jim "The Waco Kid": My name is Jim, but most people call me...Jim."

"Hope for the best. Expect the worst. The world's a stage. We're unrehearsed. No way of knowing which way it's going. Take your chances, there are no answers. Hope for the best. Expect the worst."

"Leo Bloom: Actors are not animals! They're human beings! Max Bialystock: They are? Have you ever eaten with one?"

"Max Bialystock: How could this happen? I was so careful. I picked the wrong play, the wrong director, the wrong cast. Where did I go right?"

"Lead Tenor Stormtrooper: Springtime, for Hitler, and Germany Winter, for Poland and France!"

"LSD as Adolf Hitler: Heil Baby!"

"Stormtrooper Mel : Don't be stupid, be a smarty Come and join the Nazi Party!"

"Max Bialystock: I'm wearing a cardboard belt!"