What We Do in the Shadows

"So it's 6pm in the nighttime, which is when I wake up. This is always really scary part for me [slowly peeks out of curtains] Yes! Nighttime."

"Yeah, some of our clothes are from victims. You might bite someone, and then you think 'Ooh, those are some nice pants!'."

"One year I went to the Unholy Masquerade dressed as Whoopi Goldberg from Sister Act 1 and Sister Act 2: Back in the Habit. Didn't go down so well because she was a nun. Weird. Vampires don't like nuns."

"[talking about re-uniting with his now-elderly love, Katherine] Some people freak out a bit about the age difference. Uhh… they think 'What's this 96-year-old lady doing with a guy 4 times her age?'."

"When you become a vampire, you become very…sexy. [gestures to himself]"

"I don't think Nick should have become a vampire. He's such a dick."

"[reading text message from Viago] One message received. [turns around startled to find nothing] "Ther iz a crucifx behind you"."

"[to Nick] This is what happens when you're a vampire. You have to watch everyone die. Your mother and father. All your friends. Sometimes brutal, like slipping and falling onto a giant spike. Or falling asleep in an autumn pile of leaves and having some of them block your windpipe. Or making the simple mistake of fashioning a mask out of crackers and being attacked by ducks, geese, swans. Or even dying of old age, but even old age is brutal. Watching your friends grow old. They can't piss, and they say stupid things, and their brains go, and they can't remember anything. And then one day they can't even remember who you are, and you wish they were dead, and then they do die."

"We're vampires. We don't put down towels."

"[about Stu] At first I wanted to kill him, but now I'm glad I spent time to get to know him."

"[Nick and Deacon quarrel, Nick runs away by turning into a bat, Deacon chases after him by also turning into a bat] Ooh! Bat Fight!"

"Just leave me to do my dark bidding on the Internet! I'm bidding on a table."

"At the start I was like 'Oh no, like I'm– I'm dead'. It's kinda affected my friendship with normal people and my family and stuff. But the way I see it I have a whole new family who accept me for who I am, and I accept them for who they are…even though one of them killed me."

"[telling a group of strangers] The mov'ie Twilight. Have you seen it? Okay, I'm the main 'in Twilight. You know the main g'uy?' Twilight? That's me."

"[eats a french fry and begins to puke in the alleyway] I can't eat solids now. Great. What, I can't sunbathe? I can't watch daytime TV? I can…well I guess I could. M-More than anything, it’s just the chips. That’s my favourite food and I can't eat chips. It's– I don't– It's just– I hate– I’ll say it. I'm over being a vampire now. It's shit, so don't…don't believe the hype."

"Taika Waititi — Viago"

"Jonathan Brugh — Deacon"

"Jemaine Clement — Vladislav"

"Ben Fransham — Petyr"

"Cori Gonzalez-Macuer — Nick"

"Stu Rutherford — Stu"

"Jackie van Beek — Jackie"