Homestar Runner

"Homestar Runner: Strong Bad, I really need your help."

"Strong Bad: And I really need to find out who shot Caleb Rentpayer!"

"Strong Bad: You-ka— w-wha?"

"Tuxworth: [on TV] Homestar Runner... did you shoot Caleb?"

"The Homestar Runner: Now let's get you dressed to the five and three-quarterses. [puts a bow tie on Sickly Sam]"

"Sickly Sam: I do believe you've spicked my span."

"Old-Timey Strong Bad: Curses, you bone-legged boob! I'll pump you generously full of lead, shot at high velocity out of my pistola so as to pierce the flesh! Or in your case, the burlap sack! [Sickly Sam grabs him and begins swallowing him, very slowly] Rrrah! I can't believe I'm being eaten! What a tragedy! I was supposed to sell you to the glue factory and whatnot! I can't believe I'm still being eaten! This is taking so much longer than I expected!"

"Old-Timey Strong Bad: [after being eaten] Curses! All they've got in here is Parcheesi! Can't a gentle-man [sic] at least get a game of, say, pole-dagger, or Polynesian Roulette? What manner of uncivilized ribcage is this, anyways?"

"Mr. Shmallow: Look lively. LOOK LIVELY!"

"The Homestar Runner: [watching Shmallow on TV] That monster's gonna give me nightmares."

"Old-Timey Marzipan: I can't guess."

"The Homestar Runner: I read that a ghost."

"Cheerleader: [to So and So] Shut yer plaid skirted face! Here comes a boy!"

"The Ugly One: Owww! My the fact that I was alive a second ago!"

"Cheerleader: Stop talking to fruit! Valentimes [sic] is serious times!"

"So and So: -tines."

"Cheerleader: As I was saying, Vamlumtime's [sic] Day is serious times."

"Cheerleader: Oh my grash, gals! Guess who just got a date for the priggidy prizom?!"

"So and So: No no, that's the name of this year's prom."

"Japanese Culture Greg: Come on Chizuko, we're too cool for the prom anyway."

"Narrator: UNCANNY VALLEY'D!"

"Japanese Culture Greg: THIS IS A DREAM COME TRUE!"

"Strong Bad: Oh dang! Oh dang muffins! Oh dang muffins pie! OH DANG MUFFINS PIE À LA MODE! This is gonna be the best April Fools' Day prank call ever! Now you're sure the science is sound? The battle axes and Cheez Wheezes will actually get through the phone lines?"

"The Cheat: [gibberish]"

"Strong Bad: [smoothly] Good afternoon, Mrs. Pan. This is Vince Napmaker from public radio's "The World is my Butt". We wanted to call you to thank you for being a continued supporter of public radio. But we wanted to ask you if you'd be willing to increase your support. Every dollar counts. Do you have any idea how much it costs to act like you're this much better than everyone else? And furthermore, our uppity podcasts aren't going to create themselves. So please, as always, for the sake of tote bags everywhere, put a bunch of cash in a paper and/or plastic bag and leave it on the doorstep."

"Homestar Runner: Oh man, Marzipan. Kickstarter sensation the Ouya, they're gonna make games for that thing for the rest of eternity! Mark my words, every game that comes out from now until the end of time will also come out on the Ouya. Gonna outlive Sony, Nintendo, Coleco, Canseco, Jaleco, all of the heavy hitters. Anyways, I can't wait to be playing Ouya games in fifteen years, or even like, five months! Written in Sharpie on the bathroom wall of history!"

"Strong Sad: Oh, hey Marzipan. It's Strong Sad. Uh, I've just been feeling really depressed, 'cause, because I haven't been acting very depressed. It used to be my thing, but I don't feel like I get to be sad and depressing anymore, like I used to. So I just want to kinda beef up my numbers in the sad and depressing column. So I may be leaving you some messages, you know sort of dark, inner demons, and that kind of thing. Should be fun."

"Strong Bad: [robotically] Greetings, Marzipan. This is an automated call from Grody Lab Results, Incorporated. Your test results are: negative."

"Homestar Runner: Oh man, Marzipan. Can you hear that? That is the majestic hush of a paradigm shift. That's right. Me and Pom Pom are waiting in line for our Google Glass! I can't wait to be like, lookin' through this thing! And like, seein' other things! I honestly can't remember how I lived my life yesterday, without Google Glass. These things are gonna change the way they build cities! I'm talkin' Bezos segway style. Alright, I gotta go. It's almost me and Pom Pom's turn! Blinking photographs into the profile pics of history!"

"Strong Bad: [unconvincing “foreign” accent] Oh, yes, Marzipan. This is your foreign boyfriend, Rongardo Shavemybody. It's so nice to hear your voice again on machine of answers. I miss all the time we spent in foreign lands together, havin' exotic foods. I'm visiting your country now, and want you to come and meet with me. I hear there's a lovely little café in a place called Strong Badia. Would you go, please, and wait for me there? As is the custom of my people, I will be very late, and you should wait for a really long time. You will think that it is too long to be waiting, but I assure you is the custom of my payple [sic], and you don't want to be offending my payple, do you? Alright. I kiss you on both sides of your cheek and underneath your chin. As is the custom of... a-my PAYple. And now I bid you farewell in the most prime language of my country. Braunschweiger!"

"Strong Bad: "Enter your name." I gotta go with the number one world athletic champion, Loadpast. "Loadpast pick your country!" I see the very current nations of U.S.S.R. and West Germany."

"Strong Bad: Whoa-ho-ho-ho! Nice wipeout! I did, like six 360s! That's like a... six-thrixty!"

"Strong Bad: [narrating a picture book] Strong Bad and his The Cheat rolled up and started talking smack. [in awkward monotone] "You look dumb and stuff! Doing yardwork is only for the loseriest of losers!""

"Strong Bad: "Ha ha ha ha! That guy is talking to a thing that's not a person!" cackled Strong Bad with sort of a nose."

"Strong Bad: Ohh, fine, fine. So I shall. How about The Strong Sad Wets Yonder Bed?"

"Strong Sad: [leans in] There is no such kids' book!"

"Homestar Runner: I know! And you liked it so much, I decided to get it for you again!"

"Strong Bad: Oh, man! This is the worst Decem—"

"Strong Bad: Now listen. I've got enough classic motion tweens and deprecated actions in ol' F-Sack here to last us at least six months until we can learn HTML5."

"Homestar Runner: Ooh, I know what that stands for! Hyper-Text Markup Lotion! [holds up lotion] Let me poop a little bit out for you. Thbbt thbbt thbbt."

"Homestar Runner: Oohhh, I got you. Sounds like somebody's asking for another heaping helping of... Deep Impact! Strong Bad, this is Morgan Shawshank, I need you to hit that meteor with every Duvall you've got."

"Strong Bad: Never mind. I'll be in Bubs' fallout shelter if anybody needs me. Good luck with yourself, Homestar."

"Strong Bad: Wrong movie."

"Homestar Runner: Wait, those were two different movies? But they both came out, like, the same summer even."

"Strong Sad: I already told you, I don't want to be called that any more! I made a mistake!"

"Strong Bad: Oh, sorry, Dairy Queen. Anyways, look. I just thought you should know that all your underwears somehow ended up individually priced and labeled in an online auction."

"Strong Bad: That was too easy. Now to settle down for the 24-hour Caleb Rentpayer marathon!"

"Tuxworth: [on TV] Caleb, were you making a little tent out of my jacket?"

"Bubs: I've got terrible, terrible news, Homestar."

"Old-Timey Strong Bad: Says here in the news-papper [sic] that the encapturement of the new apparition garners top reward of 26 and one pennies. We could buy the monocle off Rockefeller's very eyeball with that kind of cash!"