Father of the Pride

"(After Kate has torn up a rug) Awesome. Am I the only one turned on by this? (Kate looks at him angrily) Yes I am."

"If I wasn't white, I'd be dancin'!"

"Hey! I'm a lion! You were upset, so I attacked!"

"Weird. I suddenly feel the urge to chug a beer and chase around a heavy set bar wench."

"Well, aren't you glad I didn't say banana?"

"We live in a civilized community. I have a shower cap."

"You saw the way he loves that thing... he brushes its teeth!"

"Oh God! Our daughter's a nip head!"

"(Questioning catnip) Maybe one of my friends put it there? Or maybe it's Siegfried and Roy's. I mean that would definitely explain the outfits."

"The better question is why do we live in a world where doors need locks?"

"How come I'm never involved in the adult conversations?!"

"Grown-ups? Last time, Siegfried and Roy dressed up like leprechauns!"

"Oh, my God. You searched my room? What happened to privacy?"

"You are the worst parents EVER! (Runs to her room and slams the door shut)"

"(To Emerson, who called Larry the enemy) No he's not! He's my dad! And I like him! You know who I don't like? You!"

"Mom, Hunter's using your copy of Our Bodies, Ourselves to discover his body, himself."

"The zebra's alive! Save yourselves and bring me back through the miracle of cloning!"

"(Imitating Gollum) My precious! Grandpa wants to take the precious! (Imitating Smeagol) But Grandpa's a friend! (Imitating Gollum) NO! Kill Grandpa!"

"I like elves!"

"(Drunk) Grandpa... this tower isn't evil... it's good!"

"I do not know you, sir!"

"Dad? Are we gonna kill Grandpa?"

"(To Larry; amazed) You know Donkey?!"

"Happiness, is being a grandparent."

"(Talking to his rug) What do you think of our new place? Oh that's right you can't hear me because I killed you and sawdust now occupies where your brain was."

"You're a fat, middle-aged, virgin panda. You deserve Nelson!"

"Larry, I just want you to know. If you were my own son... I'd be pretty disappointed, but I'd make do."

"I love him... but the kid bums me out."

"Okay listen up, you need a zebra rug, I need to get a crazy Hindu elephant off my back."

"(Talking into camera) Vegas. Where every thrill is for sale including... murder! (Makes Psycho sound effects while zooming camera in and out on zebra)"

"I don't even know why I bothered learning the numbers in maths 'cause I have found the one!"

"Siegfried: Roy is doing a good thing... WHEN WILL IT BE MY TURN?!?"

"Roy: I am Roy! 'Allo!"

"Siegfried: Hello, security camera! Here is one crime you cannot stop! (lifts shirt) I stole a six pack."

"Roy: Magic, you fickle bitch."

"Siegfried: Roy! You must be quiet! I am watching the tube of boobs!"

"Siegfried and Roy: Activate "Rocket Pants!""

"Roy: Siegfried, have you lost your head brains?!"

"Roy: Siegfried. You are down a million dollars. I... am not going back... TO CANADA!!"

"Roy: Ja, ja, very funny. Your arm is a blade that cuts trees."

"Roy: CUE OCTOPUS!"

"Roy: Siegfried, I am not letting you give fake tickets to Matt Lauer!"

"Siegfried: (smacks Roy's hand) I do what I want. You are not the Kaiser of China!"

"Roy: Ohh... I am having it up to here with your besmirching the good name of Matt Lauer!"

"Roy: You're right. He does interrupt."

"Siegfried: I told you. Licorice whip?"

"Roy: Yes, please. That would be lovely."

"Roy: Now we shall have the drink of the magical fairies: Sprite."

"(Elephant - Speaking very fast and worried) The turkey's just my roommate!"

"DAMN YOU CARL!"