Destroy All Humans! 2

"Crypto, If you can hear me, meet me in the park. It seems that treacherous human's damaged some of your equipment. No, I'm not referring your new "package"!"

"Oh, sure, point out that I'm dead again. It just gets funnier every 50th time you do it, doesn't it?"

"Ah, Albion, where the sun never sets and the natives never floss."

"The saucer's sensor is picking up significant radiation levels all around you, Crypto. Either Gastro's gout is acting up, or there must be fuel rods nearby."

"That cinches it, Crypto! You've destroyed the Blisk Base! I've half a mind to put you up for a medal - but only half."

"Never heard of... I'm Orthopox 13 man! The Orthopox 13! Conqueror of Zargon 5? Hero of the battle of Tharsis Mons? Winner of the Xanthrax-47 mental cruelty award six years running? I'm the second most senior fleet commander in the entire Furon Navy! I was enslaving hyper-dimensional insectoids in the dunghills of Beedleblat when you were still in short pants! And you've never heard of me?"

"... Yes I did, Crypto, but that won't help. Albion is full of tunnels, pipes, and excavations galore. It's like a moldy sponge, built atop noxious Swiss cheese."

"Just in time, Crypto! Bongwater has launched his ships at the city! You must stop them from polluting the air with Revelade! I'll be monitoring the level of Revelade in the atmosphere. But you'd better destroy those blimps quickly, Crypto, because if the Revelade level reaches 100% saturation, our Bay City brain farm will be turned into a useless den of unmotivated degenerates sitting in front of their TV screens, twiddling their thumbs... Ahem!"

"[as Kojira looms over him] Don't crush me! DON'T CRUSH ME! Oh brains! My lives are flashing before my eyes! KILL IT, CRYPTO! KILL IT!"

"It doesn't make any sense! Every time Kojira destroys a building, her health regenerates! It's an cultural CATASTROPHE! Destroy them before she has a chance to!"

"[during final battle; Milenkov has become an armoured Blisk] Brains! Milenkov must have a recharging unit somewhere on his body - but where?! Damn you, Blisk Anatomy 101!"

"Of course! Crypto, Milenkov's recharging unit IS his armour! Take out those plates and he'll become vulnerable! And also... naked. Brace yourself for the horror..."

"Reginald Ponsonby Smythe, at your service and Her Majesty's. Although in her case, the service is secret."

"The sun has not set on this Empire! It's just... gone behind a cloud or something..."

"And now for something... completely different."

"For Majestic! For Silhouette!"

"Silhoutte was the only woman I'll ever love! Good job I've still got the men, though."

"[after drugging Crypto] Lower life-forms, when will they ever learn?"

"Nice teeth, you want to keep them? Then go away."

"Crypto is sweet... well he's not sweet, but he's kind. Okay, he's not kind, but he's cute... in a mutated rodent sort of way."

"Sergei is the kind of guy you date, not the kind you marry. And Crypto's not even the type you date. Actually, Crypto's not even a man."

"How could you, Stalin?! You fed us lies and murdered millions! Cute moustache, though."

"Blin, I hate being "naked"... and by being "naked," of course, I mean "operating without backup or cover." Get your mind out of the gutter!"

"You think it is easy being a female superspy? Try finding maxi-pads at two in the morning in Minsk! I'd like to see James Bond pull THAT one off..."

"Looks like I got here just in time. Now come on, spaceman, move your ass!"

"I have four knives concealed on my body and I'm lethal with all of them. Concentrate!"

"Crypto, I like you, but I will neuter you if I have to."

"All right, spaceman, you line them up, I'll knock them down."

"Crypto, I was the best shot in my class and I once fought my way out of an East German football riot wearing a West German jersey. I'm not a sidekick. No offense taken."

"The desecration of this land offends my all-seeing eye! Rid the vicinity of human-made refuse! Thus spake Arkvoodle! [after area is cleared] Sacred son of Arkvoodle, thou hast pleased me well! For thy service, I grant thee some serious swag: landing zone activated!"

"The glory of Arkvoodle grows from the highest state of chaotic fecundity! When the ring turns orange and the population's nerves are frayed, then shall the ground be fit to sow, and the masses shall follow! Thus spake Arkvoodle! Bow-chicka-bow-down!"

"From the ashes of terror and destruction, Arkvoodle is reborn to spread the good pick-up line of erotic satiation! Go, son of Arkvoodle! Take the Sacred Crotch to the masses!"

"Arkvoodle requires slaves! Female slaves! Preferably buxom and scantily clad. By the Sacred Genitalia, heed the word of Arkvoodle! [when female humans are brought] These females are "fly" and "off the hook"! Landing zone activated!"

"Bring me humans, alive and squirming, that I may suck up their lifeforce like Voltarian linquilipedes... in spicy solar clam sauce, mmm! Arkvoodle has spoken! [when brought humans] My omnivorous hunger is sated! Landing zone activated! It rhymes! I'm a poet and I know it not!"

"The humans have offended me! Therefore probe them in their nether regions, to teach them discipline! Arkvoodle the High and Mighty commands thee! [after Crypto does so] The humans have been probed! ... And there was much titillation! Landing zone activated!"

"It is written in the Book of Divine Fabrications that "the Great God of the Sacred Crotch was not made and cannot be unmade! Arkvoodle is, always was, and always will be!" And for once, they got it right. Fire at my idol with your Disintegrator Ray! I'll show you. [after idol is shot] Told you. Nonetheless, I shall unlock the landing zone. Thanks for playing."

"It is written in the Book of Divine Fabrications that "only a white warrior with the soul of a Furon can strike the face of Arkvoodle and restore balance to the Force!" Or some such nonsense. Anyhow, bring me a white ninja."

"I've been keeping hold of this alien predator for eons, trapped deep within, suspended in time... Why? Well, frankly, it snores, and the vibrations give me a tickle. But I'm just not in the mood right now. Take it away! [after obtaining the Burrow Beast datacore] Thank you, son of Arkvoodle. It was beginning to chafe. And thank you also for creating a cult in mine honour - being worshipped makes mine eternal gyroscopes oscillate, if you know what I meanest..."

"Son of Arkvoodle, I have a, err... hmm, how shall I say this? I have a "blockage". It's really most vexing; it pulses and throbs deep inside me! Oh, I mean, REALLY deep! All the way down, follow me? Hast thou any implement that might relieve this deep inner blockage? ... D'oh, brains! Do I have to draw you a map?! [after idol is shot with Anal Probe] Ohhhh, yeaaaaahhh... oh, that's good... Woo! Smooth sailing from here on out! Well done, my son!"

"Low voltage warning! My power is diminished! I must have the healing only a torrid rush of hyper-energized electrons can bring! [after idol is shot with Zap-O-Matic] I HAVE THE POWER! Landing zone activated!"

"All around thee, my son, lurk agents of destruction, dispatched on their fell mission by I know not whom. Could be Dodecalypse, that bastard's always screwing with me. In any case, bring me one of these "KGB agents", so I may look into its insidious heart and know the face of its master! [when brought KGB agent] Phew! It's dark in that heart! Well, sooner or later, the truth will let out. Landing zone activated!"

"Thou shalt render no images of false gods - especially ones which are more attractive than mine! Eliminate those idols! [after statues are destroyed] This idol threat has been eliminated! Heheheheh, I amuse mine own self. Landing zone activated!"

"Ooooh, big tough infidels with mighty implements with which to work the very rock of this tiny world. I am so impressed... NOT! Smash their monstrous contraptions!"

"Thou obviously canst not land if thy landing zone is bestrewnst with drums filledst with toxic waste...st! Get rid of those barrels!"

"I am the light! Thou shalt have no other light before me! Which means that lighthouse has to go!"

"[if Crypto goes near one while possessing a human] You've got cojones! We'll give you that!"

"[if Crypto goes near one while possessing a human] Watch it! We just got the shell waxed!"

"[if Crypto strikes one with an explosive barrel of waste] Boiling is the preferred method, actually."

"[if Crypto strikes one with an explosive barrel of waste] Deep-fried lobster tail!"

"[seeing Crypto kill a human] Deep-fried! Worst way to go..."