All Quotes

"Amy: Sure, you're cleaning up. Want a snack or something?"

"[Too hesitant to respond, Eva shakes her head, no. The moment her mum leaves, the little monkey reappears]"

"Eva: Whew! That was close. I mean, if she had seen you––"

"[Suddenly, Dodger darts to a corner and starts running in tight circles. Eva stares at him in confusion]"

"Eva: What's wrong? What are you doing here? Are you trying to warn me something? [She pauses, trying to think] You...ah...you...need to go pee."

"[Dodger stops running. As Eva looks again, there is a little puddle at his feet]"

"Eva: Gross! Dodger, you can't do that!"

"[And she thinks that baby Jack's bathroom habits are disgusting. Dodger needs an instant dose of toilet training. After wiping up the mess with toilet paper, Eva shakes a finger at the monkey. She has to admit, with his head hanging down, he really does look disgraceful]"

"Eva: Naughty, Dodger! Naughty. No pee-pee on floor! Naughty!"

"[It is time for potty training, and the sooner the better. Carrying Dodger into her private bathroom, Eva sets her pet on the toilet seat and kneels right in front of him]"

"Eva: Pee-pee here. Yes! Poo-poo here. Sure. And then look..."

"[She shows how to flush the toilet. The loud whooshing sound causes Dodger to jump into her arms. While she is trying to calm him, she hears her stepdad shout]"

"Tom: Eva? Katie on the phone for you!"

"[Oh, dear. Tom is in her room. She can't let him spot the monkey]"

"[Eva drops Dodger, kicks the bathroom door shut, and leans against it]"

"Eva: I'm in the bathroom. I'll call her later!"

"[Dodger makes the same running motions as before. Is he about to let loose again? Eva wants to go to him, but she can't move aside from the door]"

"Tom: I've had the phone here, take it!"

"Eva: I can't, I'm on the toilet! [She tries to motion Dodger to jump onto the toilet seat] On the toilet!"

"[Eva can overhear Tom warning Katie she'll have to call her back as he lets out a huge sneeze. Oh dear, the monkey may be setting off her stepdad's allergies, she thinks]"

"[And then, she gets an even more unpleasant shock until Dodger steps off from the toilet. He stares down at something in the bowl that makes Eva hold her nose. Eva frowns at Dodger, who scampers to flush the toilet. Oh, boy, is this what toilet training is all about?]"

"[In a rundown neighborhood across town, Shorty Kohn is making his own stink]"

"[Only his is something he can't easily flush off]"

"[Shorty has lost his monkey, and now he has to find him. That means tracking down his runaway wife and ten-year-old son. The monkey has always liked Mark. Perhaps he has followed Mark to this shabby rental house]"

"[Checking the address on a slip of paper, Shorty climbs the rickety steps to the house and knocks on the door]"

"[His son opens the door]"

"Mark: What have you done?"

"Shorty: Don't you dare speak to me like that."

"[Mark glances hesitantly over his shoulder and lowers his voice]"

"Mark: How did you find us? She knows you're here, she'll murder you."

"Shorty: I'm not after her."

"[From somewhere in the house, a woman yells]"

"Woman: Who is this?"

"Mark: It's nobody!"

"[Shorty jabs a finger in his son's face]"

"Shorty : Then now I'm a nobody?"

"Mark: You were always a nobody."

"[Frustrated, Shorty lunges at Mark, who swiftly dodges him]"

"Mark: Of course not. She'd never let me keep him around. [He gives his father a look] What just happened, you lost him? I can't believe it! You lost him!"

"Shorty: I didn't lose him, I just can't find him!"

"[With disgust, Mark starts to shut the door, but Shorty sticks his foot inside. Shorty knows he won't win any Best Father awards, but he does blame for his son. He digs into his pocket and pulls out an impressive wad of bills]"

"Shorty: Warn that ungrateful two-timing mother of yours that the nobody is becoming somebody. [He peels off a bill] Here, get yourself new sneakers."

"[He shoves the money into Mark's hands and stomps down the steps. Finding that troublesome monkey is going to be harder than he thinks]"

"[Stopping Dodger from making messes is going to be harder than Eva thinks. Just before dinner on Monday night, Eva works on fitting Dodger into one of Jack's diapers. She measures, but cuts out a hole for his tail]"

"[Eva puts the wriggling Dodger on his back and slides the clean diaper underneath his bottom. Thank heavens she has watched her mother diaper her brother thousands of times. Eva knows what to do, but Dodger is no baby boy. He twists, staring up at her with puzzled eyes. He tries to scoot off, but Eva holds on to him and wraps the edges of the diaper securely around his furry waist]"

"Eva: I can't have a litter box because they'd see it, where we have no choice. Until you learn to use the potty."

"[And please let that be soon, Eva prays. One more slip like this afternoon's, and the cat–––no, the monkey–––will really be out of the bag. Eva stares at Dodger, deep in thought, but sticks a little red doll's cap on his head. Adorable, she decides, only Dodger doesn't agree]"

"[The monkey shakes his head from side to side and tries to pull the cap aside]"

"Eva: You don't like it?"

"[He scoots out of sight under the bed in protest just as Tessa barges into the room. Eva jumps a mile]"