All Quotes

"Nick: Two points!"

"[Larry bursts into an old song]"

"[Jeffrey, who likes to think of himself as the leader of the group and likes to boss the others around]"

"Jeffrey: Change songs, Larry."

"Larry: I don't know any other songs."

"[Evan takes up the rear. He always moves a little more slowly than the rest, probably because of his pants, which are always too long. While the other boys are climbing back onto their bicycles, Evan catches sight of an oddly shaped rock. Wow, he thinks. He bends down and picks up the stone, and his thick-framed glasses slide down his nose]"

"Jeffrey: Hey, Evan? How many rocks you have at home?"

"Evan: Lots. You know I collect them."

"Nick: What else is he gonna collect? [The others shrug in agreement. After all, they live in Elma]"

"[And as everybody knows, Elma is the most boring town in Texas. In the world]"

"[The boys ride their bikes to a small two-room building that stands between two fields. The Elma schoolhouse serves as both a high school and an elementary school. Mostly, it is an embarrassment. On one side of the building is the recess yard and a baseball diamond that is covered with weeds. On the other side is another, larger field, also covered with weeds. A chain-link fence runs along the outside of this field, and two goalposts sag at either end. A sign at the entrance proudly declares "The Big Green, District 34 Recreation Area". The sign is so old and rusted, it is hard to read]"

"[The boys laugh as they ride past the sign. There is nothing "big" about this field, and there is certainly nothing green about it]"

"[The boys ride over to the recess field, dump their bikes and march to the center of it. Nick hands the bag of cheese curls to Evan. Then Nick, Larry and Jeffrey lay down on the ground]"

"[Evan tears open the bag and begins drizzling the cheese curls over his friends]"

"[CRUNCH!! Larry has sneaked one of the cheese curls into his mouth]"

"Jeffrey: Larry!"

"Larry: Just one! To see if they're fresh!"

"Nick: No more, Larry."

"[As Evan has done covering his friends with chips, he lays down and drizzles the rest of the bag on his own legs]"

"[Then they wait. And wait. And wait]"

"[Eventually, they see a pigeon flying overhead. Soon the pigeon is joined by another pigeon, then another, and another. Now there are dozens of hungry pigeons circling overhead]"

"Larry: Here they come!"

"[Suddenly, the pigeons swoop down on the boys and begin pecking and pulling greedily at the cheese curls that covered them. The boys laugh and try to keep silent]"

"[No doubt about it, this is the most fun they have had all summer]"

"[Not far off, on the paved road that leads toward the schoolhouse, three girls watch the boys disgustedly]"

"Kate: I can't believe tomorrow we start another school year with these geeks. [She has a shag of unkempt hair and wears an outfit of rough-and-topple clothes. In her hand is a pocketknife, her constant companion, that she is forever twirling absentmindedly like a baton]"

"Sophia: We're never gone to school with anyone but these geeks."

"Polly: At least tomorrow, we get a new teacher. [She tags behind her two friends, pulling her pet goat, Ernie, by a rope]"

"Kate: Perhaps. Perhaps not. Nobody's shown up yet."

"Sophia: I hope this year she won't drink."

"Polly: I hope she doesn't smell."

"Sophia: Mrs. Vancil smelled because of the medicine."

"Kate: I thought she smelled because she chewed garlic pills."

"Sophia: She smelled because she had such gross body odor."

"Kate: She smelled because she chewed garlic pills, which she thought were medicine, which gave her gross body odor."

"[Sophia and Polly pause for a bit]"

"Sophia: I didn't know that."

"Polly: Me either."

"Kate: The only fashion we know for sure, is the new teacher will be a loser. Otherwise, she wouldn't come here."

"[With that said, the three girls return to their task at hand. Namely, lining the road with a variety of crushable items, such as soda cans, a packet of mustard, and an empty milk carton. The idea is that a car passing side-by-side will flatten the stuff like a pancake. But the girls never stick around to see the items get crushed anymore. It is just something to do]"

"[SCRUNCH! BURST!! HISS!!! SPLAT!!!! The red convertible comes to a screeching stop and the driver, a woman in her late twenties, gets out and closes the door]"

"Woman: Oh, my heavens! [Soda cans, milk cartons and mustard is scattered and splashed over the road. But that isn't what caused her to exclaim. In a field next to the schoolyard, four boys are being attacked by dozens of pigeons]"

"[The woman races over to where the boys lay and looks around in a panic for something she can use to frighten off the birds]"

"[She is in luck. There is a small tool shed nearby, and in front of it is a hose and spigot. She grabs the hose, aims it at the boys, and turns on the water complete blast]"

"[The alarmed pigeons take to the air in an explosion of flapping wings, and the woman is able to heave a sigh of relief. The four boys, though soaked, seem unharmed. In fact, as they get to their feet, she notices that they seem almost...frustrated]"

"Jeffrey: What are you doing here?"

"Woman: I thought you were in danger."

"Nick: Then you hosed us?"

"Woman: I was trying to help."

"Jeffrey: Well, thanks!"