All Quotes

"Anytime a fan touches you, you have the right to beat the hell out of him."

"I'd have played against him (Len Bias) for the next 14 years. I would have been in my prime and he would have been in his. I'll never forget what he looked like. He was a 'Wow!' player. When Maryland played and was on television, I watched. It was like, 'I need to watch this guy; I'll be seeing him real soon.' . . . It was just shocking. Thing is, cocaine was huge then. My brother had been in and out of rehab a few times. . . . It was a popular drug at the time. And guys I was playing against, like John Lucas and Michael Ray Richardson and John Drew had done cocaine. I was thinking: 'What the hell is up with this cocaine? I should try this once to see what it was all about.' Then, we heard the reports were that Bias only used it once . . . that it was his first time. When I heard that, it scared me to death . . . scared the daylights out of me. It scared me into not trying it even once, not going anywhere near it."

"Only poor people go to jail."

"You can't start a diet in the middle of the week, that's just stupid."

"It's great to be hosting SNL again. I hosted sixteen years ago. Back then I was in great shape, I was coming off an MVP season with the Phoenix Suns - now, I play bad golf, drink, sometimes I get arrested."

"I can't screw up Alabama... We are number 48 in everything and Arkansas and Mississippi aren't going anywhere."

"Poor people have been voting for Democrats for the last fifty years... and they are still poor."

"If you’re gay, bless you. If you’re transgender, bless you. If you have a problem with that, f--- you!"

"The sweaters were hand-me-downs. They were too small for me, and I guess that's what made everyone take notice. But it made me feel important. Men were looking at me for the first time. And I liked it. I felt good in them. And when I felt how tight they held me in, I quit wearing a bra."

"Elizabeth Taylor converted too. So we're both Jewish."

"People have curious attitudes about nudity just as they have about sex. Nudity and sex are the most commonplace things in the world. Yet people often act as if they were things that only existed on Mars."

"It's far better to be unhappy alone than unhappy with someone — so far."

"It stirs up envy, fame does. People, you run into feel that, well, who does she think she is, Marilyn Monroe? They feel fame gives them some kind of privilege to walk up to you and say anything to you, of any kind of nature — and it won't hurt your feelings — like it's happening to your clothes, not you."

"A career is wonderful, but you can't curl up with it on a cold night."

"Arthur Miller wouldn't have married me if I had been nothing but a dumb blonde."

"People had a habit of looking at me as if I were some kind of mirror instead of a person. They didn't see me, they saw their lewd thoughts, then they white-masked themselves by calling me the lewd one."

"A woman knows by intuition, or instinct, what is best for herself."

"I'm selfish, impatient and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times hard to handle. But if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best."

"To all the girls that think you're fat because you're not a size zero you're the beautiful one it's society who's ugly."

"A sex symbol is a heavy load to carry when one is tired, hurt and bewildered."

"Well-behaved women rarely make history."

"She came up to me and said, "You're going to play my uncle, right?" "That's right, Miss Monroe." Then she looked at me and said, "No incest.""

"I think Marilyn is bound to make an almost overwhelming impression on the people who meet her for the first time. It is not that she is pretty, although she is of course almost incredibly pretty, but she radiates, at the same time, unbounded vitality and a kind of unbelievable innocence. I have met the same in a lion-cub, which my native servants in Africa brought me. I would not keep her, since I felt that it would in some way be wrong...I shall never forget the almost overpowering feeling of unconquerable strength and sweetness which she conveyed. I had all the wild nature of Africa amicably gazing at me with mighty playfulness."

"Marilyn Monroe’s suicide made headlines when I was twenty-two years old and struggling to find my place in the world. We were both working class in background, but there any comparison ended. While I was a doctor’s assistant by day and a pariah dyke wearing boys’ clothes by night, Marilyn was the most heterosexual, “most beautiful” and most desired in the public world. She was a star, she kept company with America’s biggest male stars—Mickey Mantle of baseball, Arthur Miller of literature, John F. Kennedy of politics. And at what seemed the height of a gloriously successful career, she killed herself. Or that was the story. then. Since, it has changed, from a conspiracy that she was murdered, to the more plausible reason: the accidental overdose of an addict. I was upset by her death; if she could not succeed in life, how on earth could I? And yet, her image did not fade; she continues to hold a position as an icon of sexual power."

"Hawks says it's wonderful we knew and worked with Marilyn before she got difficult. Because she was so winning and adorable in Monkey Business [1952]. When I drink that youth serum and I'm acting like a teenager, Marilyn really got into it. I'm diving off the high board and she's giggling and waving me on. Years later she asked me to costar in something called The Billionaire. It was a comedy and she said her husband Arthur Miller was reworking it. Arthur Miller a comedy writer? I ran away and so did Greg Peck, and the completed film, ' [1960], showed she'd become all blurry and distant. It was sad."

"We think of Marilyn who was every man's love affair with America. Marilyn Monroe who was blonde and beautiful and had a sweet little rinky-dink of a voice and all the cleanliness of all the clean American backyards."

"There are people so vivid in life that they seem not to disappear when they die, and for many weeks I found myself having to come about and force myself to encounter the fact that Marilyn had ended. I realized that I still, even then, expected to meet her once more, somewhere, sometime, and maybe talk sensibly about all the foolishness we had been through — in which case I would probably have fallen in love with her again. And the iron logic of her death did not help much: I could still see her coming across the lawn, or touching something, or laughing, at the same time that I confronted the end of her as one might stand watching the sinking sun. When a reporter called asking if I would be attending her funeral in California, the very idea of a burial was outlandish, and stunned as I was, I answered without thinking, "She won't be there." I could hear his astonishment, but I could only hang up, it was beyond explaining."

"To have survived, she would have had to be either more cynical or even further from reality than she was. Instead, she was a poet on a street corner trying to recite to a crowd pulling at her clothes."

"The women she played were totally unreal. Her vulnerability in her flesh was as compelling and audible as a baby crying, but she played either a gold digger-the woman who can only be bought or the child/whore who asks nothing whatsoever, who is available like a tray of hors d'oeuvres at a cocktail party. In The Seven Year Itch she is the total male fantasy of available snatch, a gorgeous woman without any entanglements, no friends, no family, no demands, who wants only a married man since he won't fall in love with her. What living woman could ever identify with that character?...Her career began with the famous nude calendar, although the most lasting images are at once dressed and undressed-the pose on the subway grating, for instance. She wears a flimsy looking halter dress that flies up, deserting her. She is the embodiment of titillation. Any man can dream of possessing her, because she seems so accessible and defenseless. For a man, that image on which can be projected any fantasy, any wish fulfillment, is the source of her immense and lasting appeal. She is a living doll-the perfect body that offers everything and asks nothing. She embodies the woman who never was because she isn't anything in herself. That image was something she put on to go out into the frightening and hostile world. She had learned early that she would be rewarded if she appeared compliant and childlike, not in the sense of the virgin to be deflowered, but in the sense of the woman who doesn't understand, doesn't know what to do, never learns a lesson; the warm and sensual Galatea who never gets up and leaves Pygmalion, but waits passively for the next owner. But behind that façade was a woman needy, scared, ambitious, leaking self-hatred and desperately wanting something real and solid and important. She wanted to be...respected. She never was."

"When Marilyn Monroe got out of the game, I wrote something like, "Southern California's special horror notwithstanding, if the world offered nothing, nowhere to support or make bearable whatever her private grief was, then it is that world, and not she, that is at fault." I wrote that in the first few shook-up minutes after hearing the bulletin sandwiched in between Don and Phil Everly and surrounded by all manner of whoops and whistles coming out of an audio signal generator, like you are apt to hear on the provincial radio these days. But I don't think I'd take those words back."

"If Marilyn is in love with my husband it proves she has good taste, for I am in love with him too."

"I remember her on the screen, huge as a colossus doll, mincing and whispering and simply hoping her way into total vulnerability."

"You want me to talk about Marilyn? My God, I think there have been more books on Marilyn Monroe than on World War II, and there's a great similarity. It was a very complex thing working with her because she had tremendous problems with herself. She was on the edge of deep depression – whatever you want to call it – at all times. There was always a question, which you sweated out: "Is she going to show up? Is she going to show up on time? Is she going to live through the scene? Is she going to finish the picture?" And that is a very nerve-wracking thing if you've got eight million dollars in the enterprise. But when it's all done, it's well worth it. It's that old thing that I said, I don't know, four hundred years ago: "Look, if we wanted somebody to be on time and to know the lines just perfectly, I've got an old aunt in Vienna. She's going to be there at five in the morning and never miss a word. But who wants to look at her?""

"The way to go to the circus, however, is with someone who has seen perhaps one theatrical performance before in his life and that in the High School hall. … The scales of sophistication are struck from your eyes and you see in the circus a gathering of men and women who are able to do things as a matter of course which you couldn’t do if your life depended on it."

"The English language may hold a more disagreeable combination of words than "The doctor will see you now." I am willing to concede something to the phrase "Have you anything to say before the current is turned on?" That may be worse for the moment, but it doesn't last so long. For continued, unmitigating depression, I know nothing to equal "The doctor will see you now." But I'm not narrow-minded about it. I'm willing to consider other possibilities."

"There may be said to be two classes of people in the world; those who constantly divide the people of the world into two classes, and those who do not. Both classes are extremely unpleasant to meet socially, leaving practically no one in the world whom one cares very much to know."

"A baby is shown sitting on the floor. He appears to be about a year and a half old. Incidentally, he is a very plain baby. Strewn about him on the floor are the toys that he has been playing with. There are a ball, a rattle, a ring, a doll, a bell and a pair of roller-skates. Evidently, the candidate is supposed to be aghast at the roller-skates in the possession of such a small child. The man who drew that picture had evidently never furnished playthings for a small child. I can imagine nothing that would delight a child of a year and a half more than a pair of roller-skates to chew and spin and hit himself in the face with. They could also be dropped on Daddy when Daddy was lying on the floor in an attempt to be sociable. Of all the toys arranged before the child, the roller-skates are the most logical. … That is my great trouble in taking tests and examinations of any kind. I always want to argue with the examiner, because the examiner is always so obviously wrong."

"At fifteen one is first beginning to realize that everything isn’t money and power in this world, and is casting about for joys that do not turn to dross in one’s hands."

"In America there are two classes of travel — first class, and with children."

"I can’t quite define my aversion to asking questions of strangers. From snatches of family battles which I have heard drifting up from railway stations and street corners, I gather that there are a great many men who share my dislike for it, as well as an equal number of women who … believe it to be the solution to most of this world’s problems."

"Nine-tenths of the value of a sense of humor in writing is not in the things it makes one write but in the things it keeps one from writing. It is especially valuable in this respect in serious writing, and no one without a sense of humor should ever write seriously. For without knowing what is funny, one is constantly in danger of being funny without knowing it."

"A dog teaches a boy fidelity, perseverance, and to turn around three times before lying down."

"I don’t want to be an alarmist, but I think that the Younger Generation is up to something.... I base my apprehension on nothing more definite than the fact that they are always coming in and going out of the house, without any apparent reason."

"The surest way to make a monkey of a man is to quote him. That remark in itself wouldn’t make any sense if quoted as it stands."

"The only cure for a real hangover is death."

"There is no such place as Budapest. Perhaps you are thinking of Bucharest, and there is no such place as Bucharest, either."

"Anyone will be glad to admit that he knows nothing about beagling, or the Chinese stock market, or ballistics, but there is not a man or woman alive who does not claim to know how to cure hiccoughs."

"I am more the inspirational type of speller. I work on hunches rather than mere facts, and the result is sometimes open to criticism by purists."

"There seems to be no lengths to which humorless people will not go to analyze humor. It seems to worry them."

"Why don't you get out of that wet coat and into a dry martini?"