All Quotes

"Your problem has nothing to do with git, and everything to do with emacs. And then you have the gall to talk about "Unix design" and not gumming programs together, when you yourself use the most gummed-up piece of absolute sh*t there is!"

"The thing that has always disturbed me about O_DIRECT is that the whole interface is just stupid, and was probably designed by a deranged monkey on some serious mind-controlling substances [*]."

"Your code is shit."

"Crying that it's an application bug is like crying over the speed of light: you should deal with reality, not what you wish reality was."

"I may make jokes about Microsoft at times, but at the same time, I think the Microsoft hatred is a disease."

"There are "extremists" in the free software world, but that's one major reason why I don't call what I do "free software" any more. I don't want to be associated with the people for whom it's about exclusion and hatred."

"Your argument is shit."

"Every time I see some piece of medical research saying that caffeine is good for you, I high-five myself. Because I'm going to live forever."

"Standards are paper. I use paper to wipe my butt every day. That's how much that paper is worth."

"Toto, I don't think we're talking white-socks-and-sandals any more."

"This whole ARM thing is a f*cking pain in the ass."

"Why don't we write code that just works? Or absent a "just works" set of patches, why don't we revert to code that has years of testing? This kind of "I broke things, so now I will jiggle things randomly until they unbreak" is not acceptable. [...] Don't just make random changes. There really are only two acceptable models of development: "think and analyze" or "years and years of testing on thousands of machines". Those two really do work."

"So here's a plea: if you have anything to do with security in a distro, and think that my kids (replace "my kids" with "sales people on the road" if you think your main customers are businesses) need to have the root password to access some wireless network, or to be able to print out a paper, or to change the date-and-time settings, please just kill yourself now. The world will be a better place."

"We're not masturbating around with some research project. We never were. Even when Linux was young, the whole and only point was to make a *usable* system. It's why it's not some crazy drug-induced microkernel or other random crazy thing."

"Of course, I'd also suggest that whoever was the genius who thought it was a good idea to read things ONE F*CKING BYTE AT A TIME with system calls for each byte should be retroactively aborted. Who the f*ck does idiotic things like that? How did they not die as babies, considering that they were likely too stupid to find a tit to suck on?"

"People say that you should not micro-optimize; but, if what you love is micro-optimization, that's what you should do."

"I started Linux as a desktop operating system. And it's the only area where Linux hasn't completely taken over. That just annoys the hell out of me."

"Nvidia has been the single worst company we've ever dealt with. So, Nvidia, fuck you!"

"I tend to call myself an anti-visionary because to me, what is much more important than vision is execution. I've always quoted Edison saying that genius is 99% perspiration and 1% inspiration [...]."

"I like offending people, because I think people who get offended should be offended."

"[In response to Good job. More public indecency, less TSA, that's what I say."

"Somebody is trying to kill all the kernel developers."

"[...] I really hate big laptops. I can't understand people who lug around 15" (or 17"!) monsters. The right weight for a laptop is 1kg, no more."

"Obsessing about things is important, and things really do matter, but if you can't let go of them, you'll end up crazy."

"I'm not sentimental. Good riddance."

"WE DO NOT BREAK USERSPACE!"

"I realize that lawyers are brought up (probably from small children) to think that "technically true" is what matters, but when you make public PR statements, they should be more than "technically" true. They should be honest. There's a big f*cking difference."

"Microsoft isn't evil, they just make really crappy operating systems."

"But this is definitely another of those "This is our most desperate hour. Help me, Al-biwan Ke-Viro, you're my only hope" issues. Al? Please don't make me wear that golden bikini."

"I hope I won't end up having to hunt you all down and kill you in your sleep."

"Whoever came up with "hold the shift key for eight seconds to turn on 'your keyboard is buggered' mode" should be shot."

"There aren't enough swear-words in the English language, so now I'll have to call you perkeleen vittupää just to express my disgust and frustration with this crap."

"That's the spirit. Greg has taught you well. You have controlled your fear. Now, release your anger. Only your hatred can destroy me. Come to the dark side, Sarah. We have cookies."

"Because if you want me to "act professional", I can tell you that I'm not interested. I'm sitting in my home office wearing a bathrobe. The same way I'm not going to start wearing ties, I'm *also* not going to buy into the fake politeness, the lying, the office politics and backstabbing, the passive aggressiveness, and the buzzwords. Because THAT is what "acting professionally" results in: people resort to all kinds of really nasty things because they are forced to act out their normal urges in unnatural ways."

"XML is crap. Really. There are no excuses. XML is nasty to parse for humans, and it's a disaster to parse even for computers. There's just no reason for that horrible crap to exist."

"Lookie here, your compiler does some absolutely insane things with the spilling, including spilling a *constant*. For chrissake, that compiler shouldn't have been allowed to graduate from kindergarten. We're talking "sloth that was dropped on the head as a baby" level retardation levels here."

"I don't respect people unless I think they deserve the respect. There are people who think that respect is something that should be given, and I happen to be one of the people who is perfectly happy saying no; respect should be earned. And without being earned, you don't get it. It's really that simple."

"One of the things, none of the distributions have ever done right is application packaging [...] making binaries for linux desktop applications is a major fucking pain in the ass."

"[GPL] version 3 was not a good "here we give you version 2" and then we try to sneak in this new rules and try force everyone to upgrade; that was the part I disliked. The FSF did really sneaky stuff, downright immoral in my opinion."

"I may be a huge computer nerd, but even so I don't think education should be about computers. Not as a subject, and not as a classroom resource either."

"On the internet nobody can hear you being subtle."

"I don’t care about you."

"the most important part of open source is that people are allowed to do what they are good at" and "all that [diversity] stuff is just details and not really important."

"I am a lazy person, which is why I like open source, for other people to do work for me."

"We don't merge kernel code just because user space was written by a retarded monkey on crack."

"Christ, people. Learn C, instead of just stringing random characters together until it compiles (with warnings)."

"Get rid of it. And I don't *ever* want to see that shit again."

"It’s Sunday, which means no more cat pictures, and instead just the usual -rc release. Prize for odd bug this week goes to an otherwise harmless off-by-one buglet that then in turn confused clang sufficiently to generate bogus code that our ‘objtool’ checks then (correctly) complained about it. This is the kind of exciting lives that us kernel developers lead."

"If Microsoft ever does applications for Linux it means I've won."

"I wish everybody was as nice as I am."