All Quotes

"I say, they don't have to conspire, because they all think alike. The president of General Motors and the president of Chase Manhattan Bank really are not going to disagree much on anything, nor would the editor of the New York Times disagree with them. They all tend to think quite alike, otherwise they would not be in those jobs."

"Precocious talents mature slowly if at all."

"It is reasonable to assume that, by and large, what is not read now will not be read, ever. It is also reasonable to assume that practically nothing that is read now will be read later. Finally, it is not too farfetched to imagine a future in which novels are not read at all."

"In any case, write what you know will always be excellent advice to those who ought not to write at all."

"Television is a great leveler. You always end up sounding like the people who ask the questions."

"Religions are manipulated in order to serve those who govern society and not the other way around."

"Actually, there is no such thing as a homosexual person, any more than there is such a thing as a heterosexual person. The words are adjectives describing sexual acts, not people. The sexual acts are entirely normal; if they were not, no one would perform them."

"The reason no one has yet been able to come up with a good word to describe the homosexualist (sometimes known as gay, fag, queer, etc.) is because he does not exist. The human race is divided into male and female. Many human beings enjoy sexual relations with their own sex, many don't; many respond to both. This plurality is the fact of our nature and not worth fretting about."

"My father had a deep and lifelong contempt for politicians in general ("They tell lies," he used to say with wonder, "even when they don't have to")."

"The last best hope on earth, two trillion dollars in debt, is spinning out of control, and all we can do is stare at a flickering cathode-ray tube as Ollie "answers" questions on TV while the press, resolutely irrelevant as ever, asks politicians if they have committed adultery. From V-J Day 1945 to this has been, my fellow countrymen, a perfect nightmare."

"In a nation that has developed to a high art advertising, the creator who refuses to advertise himself is immediately suspected of having no product worth selling."

"The average "educated" American has been made to believe that, somehow, the United States must lead the world even though hardly anyone has any information at all about those countries we are meant to lead. Worse, we have very little information about our own country and its past. That is why it is not really possible to compare a writer like Howells with any living American writer because Howells thought that it was a good thing to know as much as possible about his own country as well as other countries while our writers today, in common with the presidents and paint manufacturers, live in a present without past among signs whose meanings are uninterpretable."

"I suspect that one of the reasons we create fiction is to make sex exciting."

"Class is the most difficult subject for American writers to deal with as it is the most difficult for the English to avoid."

"I regard monotheism as the greatest disaster ever to befall the human race. I see no good in Judaism, Christianity, or Islam — good people, yes, but any religion based on a single... well, frenzied and virulent god, is not as useful to the human race as, say, Confucianism, which is not a religion but an ethical and educational system that has worked pretty well for twenty-five hundred years. So you see I am ecumenical in my dislike for the Book. But like it or not, the Book is there; and because of it people die; and the world is in danger."

"The great unmentionable evil at the center of our culture is monotheism. From a barbaric Bronze Age text known as the Old Testament, three anti-human religions have evolved — Judaism, Christianity, Islam. These are sky-god religions. They are, literally, patriarchal — God is the Omnipotent Father — hence the loathing of women for 2,000 years in those countries afflicted by the sky-god and his earthly male delegates. The sky-god is a jealous god, of course. He requires total obedience from everyone on earth, as he is in place not for just one tribe but for all creation. Those who would reject him must be converted or killed for their own good. Ultimately, totalitarianism is the only sort of politics that can truly serve the sky-god's purpose."

"Congress no longer declares war or makes budgets. So that's the end of the constitution as a working machine."

"'Liberal' comes from the Latin liberalis, which means pertaining to a free man. In politics, to be liberal is to want to extend democracy through change and reform. One can see why the word had to be erased from our political lexicon."

"At least when the Emperor Justinian, a sky-god man, decided to outlaw sodomy, he had to come up with a good practical reason, which he did. It is well known, Justinian declared, that buggery is a principal cause of earthquakes, and so must be prohibited. But our sky-godders, always eager to hate, still quote Leviticus, as if that looney text had anything useful to say about anything except, perhaps, the inadvisability of eating shellfish in the Jerusalem area."

"Don't Blink ("Blink")"

"It's Time You Knew Him (Series 8)"

"Dan Castellaneta – Homer Simpson, Smitty, Grampa Simpson, Larry Darlymple, Barney Gumble, Gareth Prince, Mr. Winfield, Itchy, Cowboy Bob, Krusty the Clown, Sideshow Bob, Charlie, Ugolin, Scott Christian, Arnie Pye, Mayor Quimby, Bill, Kodos Johnson, Captain Lance Murdock, Sideshow Mel, Blue-haired Lawyer, Artie Ziff, Hans Moleman, Groundskeeper Willie, Squeaky-Voiced Teen, Mayor Quimby's body guards, Fallout Boy, Louie, Aristotle Amadopolis, Low Blow, Jack Marley, Richard Nixon, Jimmy Carter, Gary, Rich Texan, Leopold, Freddy Quimby, Guy Imprecto, Martin Prince (Adult), Matt Groening, Lee Carallo, Jimmy the Scumbag, Poochie, Gil Gunderson, Leprechaun, Mojo the Monkey, Chirpy Boy, Bart Junior, Sad-looking Frenchman, Man in dinner jacket, British Raj man, Yes Guy, Señor Ding-Dong, Cornelius Chapman, Phony McRing-Ring, Frankie the Squealer, Intelligent Homer, Dennis Miller's Voice, Professor Huntington, Garth Motherloving, Jesus Christ, Don Castellaneta, Snowball V, Stuart, C.H.U.M., SpongeBob, Howell Huser, New England RV-er, Gravedigger Billy, Bighorn Sheep, Good-looking bachelor, Headmaster Greystash, Incest Spuckler, Goofy, Genie, Grizzly Shawn"

"Julie Kavner — Marge Simpson, Selma, Patty, Jacqueline Bouvier"

"Karl Wiedergott - Ned Flanders, Professor Frink, Jimmy Carter, Bill Clinton, Huckleberry Hound, Michael Jackson, Muk Mu"

"Nancy Cartwright – Bart Simpson, Ralph, Jaffee Ziswhisky, Blond-haired boy with glasses, Rod Flanders, Todd, Richard, Buck-toothed boy, Nina Skalka, Wanda, Nelson, Yellow weasel, Kearney Zzyzwicz, Jay Nahasapeemapetilon, Pahasatira Nahasappemapetilon, Brittany Brockman, Database, E-mail, Jimmy, Kearney Zzyzwicz, Jr., Pria Nahasappemapetilon, Sandeep Nahasappemapetilon, Jesus Christ, Ling Bouvier, Vicki, Crystal Meth Spuckler, Simon Woosterfield, Nancy Gladness"

"Yeardley Smith – Lisa Simpson, Cecile Shapiro, Pahasatira Nahasapeemapetilon, Grandma Flanders, Maggie Simpson, Malibu Stacy, Lisa Jr., Jake Boyman, Angelica Button, Eliza Simpson, Herself, Lisa impersonating Malibu Stacy dolls"

"Hank Azaria - Moe, Sam, Gareth Prince, Chief Wiggum, Eddie, Lou, Old Jewish Man, Apu, Carl Carlson, Roger Meyers, Jr., Dr. Nick, Akira Kurosawa, Rainier Wolfcastle, Raphael, Drederick Tatum, Professor Frink, Comic Book Guy, Leon Kompowsky, Bob Arnold, "Just stamp the ticket" man, Legs, Fritz, Milford A. Alexander, Low Blow, Veterinarian, Kirk Van Houten, Ronald Reagan, Bumblebee Man, Sea Captain, Surly Duff, Gary Chalmers, Arthur Crandall, Gabbo, Doug, Gunter, Doctor Colossus, Cletus, Gerald Samson, Luigi Risotto, Annex administrator, Knightboat, Don Vittorio, Pet Store Man, Jericho, Julius Hibbert's oldest son, Disco Stu, Ian, Freak show manager, Pyro/Chase, Dr. Foster, Ranger, The Warden, Sandwich delivery guy, Mathemagican, Hippie, Frank Grimes, Duffman, Gun Salesman, Robby the Automaton, Nick Callahan, Mr. Costington, Larry the Bus Driver, Farmer, State Comptroller Atkins, Homer Simpson the Police Cop, Arthur Fortune, Chuck Garabedian, Southern colonel, Funzo, Mr. Sakamoto, Mr. Vanderbilt, Ak, Dr. Velimirovic, Tribal Chief, Devil, Johnny Tightlips, Cirque de Purée ringmaster, Funeral home salesman, Jeremy, L.T. Smash, Kitenge, Singing railroad hobo, Mesmerino, Geoff Jenkins, Mitch Hartwell, Jesus Christ, Frank Grimes, Jr., Dexter Colt, Mugger, Larry H. Lawyer, Jr., Stark Richdale, Julio Franco, Dr. Brentano, Roofi, Dave, Randall Curtis, Raoul, Nash Castor, Goose Gladwell, Johnny, Deion Overstreet, Alcatraaaz, Andre, The Commandant, Coach Krupt, Dr. Egoyan, Kavi, Marcus Le Marquez, The Grumple, Jack, Shadow Knight, Joe LaBoot, Norbert Van Houten, Steffan August, Chazz Busby, Royce Lumpkin, Alberto, Steve Mobbs, Vance Connor, Mr. Becker, Nat, The Parson"

"Harry Shearer - Principal Skinner, Dewey Largo, Smithers, Mr. Burns, Larry Dalrymple, Ned Flanders, Radioactive Man, J. Loren Pryor, Otto, Barry Mackleberry, Jasper Beardsley, Eddie, Lou, Scratchy, Dr. Marvin Monroe, Herman Hermann, Reverend Lovejoy, Kent Brockman, Jebediah Springfield, Lenny, Cesar, Judge Snyder, Kang Johnson, Dave Shutton, Dr. Hibbert, God, Rainier Wolfcastle, Harlan Dondelinger, George H. W. Bush, Legs, Louie, Woodrow, Sanjay Nahasappemapetilon, Derek Smalls, Surly Joe, Bill Clinton, Richard Nixon, Nigel, Benjamin, Robo Burns, Ernst, Nedward Flanders, Sr., Birch Barlow, Count Dracula, Booker T. Report, Glen, Caribbean outcast, Qtoktok, Jack Crowley, Geoff Jenkins, Jim Proudfoot, Jewish Walk of Fame curator, Steve, Frankie, Defonzo "Skinny" Palmer, Patrick Farrelly, Warrior statue, Geoffrey"

"Kimberly Brooks - Lewis Clark, Janey Powell"

"Daryl L. Coley - Bleeding Gums Murphy"

"Mo Collins - Jimbo Jones"

"Grey DeLisle - Wendell Borton, Sherri and Terri, Martin, Gloria Prince, Malibu Stacy, Üter Zorker"

"Utkarsh Ambudkar - Jay Nahasappemapetilon"

"Alex Désert - Carl Carlson, Lou, Fausto"

"Chris Edgerly - Todd, Santa Claus, Gareth Prince, Rod Flanders, Muk Mu, The Detonator, Fatberg"

"Marcia Mitzman Gaven - Helen Lovejoy, Maude Flanders, Elizabeth Hoover"

"Doris Grau - Lunchlady Dora, Lurleen Lumpkin"

"Jo Ann Harris - Blond-haired boy with glasses, Richard, Martin, Black Weasel, Chuck Berger"

"Matt Dillon - Louie"

"Kirk Douglas - Chester J. Lampwick"

"David Duchovny - Fox Mulder"

"Olympia Dukakis - Zelda"

"R. Lee Ermey - Colonel Leslie Hapablap"

"Harvey Fierstein - Karl"

"Jodie Foster - Maggie Simpson"

"Brendan Fraser - Brad"

"Neil Gaiman - Snowball II"

"Sarah Michelle Gellar - Gina Vendetti"

"Ricky Gervais - Charles Heathbar"

"Sara Gilbert - Laura Powers"