All Quotes

"The greatest mystery about a human being is not his reaction to sex or praise, but the manner in which he contrives to put in twenty-four hours a day. It is this which puzzles the longshoreman about the clerk, the Londoner about the bushman."

"It has not yet been recorded that any human being has gained a very large or permanent contentment from meditation upon the fact that he is better off than others."

"With... small-town life... there are hundreds of thousands... who are not content. The more intelligent young people... flee to the cities... and... stay there, seldom returning even for holidays. The reason, Carol insisted... is an unimaginatively standardized background, a sluggishness of speech and manners, a rigid ruling of the spirit by the desire to appear respectable. It is contentment... the contentment of the quiet dead, who are scornful of the living for their restless walking. It is the prohibition of happiness. It is the slavery self-sought and self-defended. It is dullness made God. A savorless people, gulping tasteless food and sitting afterward, coatless and thoughtless, in rocking-chairs prickly with inane decorations, listening to mechanical music, saying mechanical things about the excellence of Ford automobiles, and viewing themselves as the greatest race in the world."

"Except for half a dozen in each town the citizens are proud of that achievement of ignorance which is so easy to come by. To be 'intellectual' or 'artistic' or, in their own word, to be 'highbrow,' is to be priggish and of dubious virtue."

"At that moment a G. A. R. veteran was dying. He had come from the Civil War straight to a farm which, though it was officially within the city-limits of Zenith, was primitive as the backwoods. He had never ridden in a motor car, never seen a bath-tub, never read any book save the Bible, McGuffey's readers, and religious tracts; and he believed that the earth is flat, that the English are the Lost Ten Tribes of Israel, and that the United States is a democracy.~ Ch. 6"

"Now we got a lawyer, we got civilization, which I understand to mean that a man has a chance to get rich without working. ~ Ch. 17"

"A village in a country which is taking pains to become altogether standardized and pure, which aspires to succeed Victorian England as the chief mediocrity of the world, is no longer merely provincial, no longer downy and restful in its leaf-shadowed ignorance. It is a force seeking to conquer the earth... Sure of itself, it bullies other civilizations, as a traveling salesman in a brown derby conquers the wisdom of China and tacks advertisements of cigarettes over arches for centuries dedicate to the sayings of Confucius. Such a society functions admirably in the production of cheap automobiles, dollar watches, and safety razors. But it is not satisfied until the entire world also admits that the end and joyous purpose of living is to ride in flivvers, to make advertising-pictures of dollar watches, and in the twilight to sit talking not of love and courage but of the convenience of safety razors."

"Once she kidnapped me and drug me to the Methodist Church. I goes in, pious as Widow Bogart, and sits still and never cracks a smile while the preacher is favoring us with his misinformation on evolution. But afterwards, when the old stalwarts were pumphandling everybody at the door and calling 'em 'Brother' and 'Sister,' they let me sail right by with nary a clinch."

"“AND THESE ARE THINGS WE WOULD NOT DIE FOR POKEY!! LEAD, CANS OF PAINT, WAX--” --Small Child"

"“WAX!! SON OF A—I HAVE TO CHANGE MY LIST!!” --Pokey, “I Have to Change My List”"

"“POKEY ARE YOU DRUNK ON LOVE?????” --Small Child"

"“YES . ALSO WHISKEY. BUT MOSTLY LOVE...AND WHISKEY.” --Pokey, “Drunk on Love”"

"“SO SEXY RUSSIAN SPY VIXEN, YOU THINK YOU CAN STOP ME??”” --Mr. Nutty"

"“I STAB YOU IN THE ORGAN!!!” --Pokey"

"“YOU'LL HAVE TO STAB MORE THAN JUST ONE ORGAN TO STOP ME!!!” --Mr. Nutty, “I Will Destroy Him”"

"“POKEY THE NORTHERN LIGHTS!” --Small Child"

"“THAT IS HOW YOU SAY 'HELLO' IN SAN FRANCISCO!” --Pokey, “San Francisco”"

"“POKEY I DID NOT KNOW CANARIES WERE MINED FROM THE SUBTERRAIN!” --Small Child"

"“THE EARTH'S GEOLOGY IS RICH WITH CANARY!” --Pokey, “Pokey in the Abandoned Mine”"

"THIS MINIATURE FLYING AMUSEMENT IS THE ULTIMATE CHALLENGE!!! IT ENABLES ALL TO FLY, EVEN THE FLIGHTLESS"

"“PITY ON THE FLIGHTLESS POKEY” --Small Child"

"“PITY INDEED ON THEM, LITTLE GIRL!! OH NO PREMATURE ACTIVATION!!!!” --Pokey"

"“THE LAUNCHER MAKES A RISIBLE SHOW OF YOU POKEY!!!!!!!!!!” --Small Child, “Pity on the Flightless”"

""SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO TAKE THE BAD WITH THE GOUDA" --Small Child (Reading Pokey's comic)"

"EVERY COMIC HAS A CHEESE PUN! AWESOME POWER!" –Pokey, "Hello Sexy World"

""I AM POKEY THE PENGUIN! WILL YOU BE MY FRIEND?" --Pokey"

""WHEN WE ARRIVE IN THE LAND OF RICHES, WE WILL NOT NEED FRIENDS!" --Immigrant"

""BOOKS MAY BE READ, SMALL CHILD!!!!" --Pokey"

""POKEY WHAT AN IDEA!!!! YOU ARE A SECOND SUN IN MY SKY!!!!" --Small Child"

""I OFTEN BURN WHITE HOT AND DRIFT LAZILY ACROSS THE STRATOSPHERE EMITTING PIERCING SCREAMS JUST LIKE THE REAL SUN!!!!" --Pokey, “Pokey is Strong and Virile”"

"[DEF LEPPARD IS ROCKING THROUGH A SET!!!]"

""BREAKIN THE LAW BREAKIN THE LAW!" --Joe Elliott"

""HOORAY! THE DEMON LEFT MY JAR OF PEANUTS!!!" --Pokey"

""OH NO! HE POSSESSED MY ONE REMAINING ARM!!!" --Rick Allen"

""YOUR DEMONIC ARM WANTS ONLY A PEANUT!!!" --Pokey"

""ALSO, TO ELECTROCUTE THAT NUN!" --Rick Allen"

"NO" --Nun, "Def Leppard Saves"

""HOORAY!" --All Characters"

""YES!" --All Characters, usually after a statement rather than in answer to a question."

""HELLO POKEY!" --Any Minor character that doesn't know Pokey"

""CRUD!" --Pokey"

""SMASHING JOB OLD BEAN!" --Mr. Nutty"

""I DON'T BELIEVE IT!" --Skeptopotamus"

""COOKIE!" (Usually appears as caption in panel when Gustavo arrives)"

""BIF!" --The Boxing Glove"

""MAMA MIA!" --Italians"

"As we look over the list of the early leaders of the republic, Washington, John Adams, Hamilton, and others, we discern that they were all men who insisted upon being themselves and who refused to truckle to the people. With each succeeding generation, the growing demand of the people that its elective officials shall not lead but merely register the popular will has steadily undermined the independence of those who derive their power from popular election. The persistent refusal of the Adamses to sacrifice the integrity of their own intellectual and moral standards and values for the sake of winning public office or popular favor is another of the measuring rods by which we may measure the divergence of American life from its starting point."

"He who has never learned to obey cannot be a good commander."

"If your actions inspire others to dream more, learn more, do more and become more, you are a leader."

"The born leader is a fiction invented by 'born followers'. Leadership is not a gift at birth; it is an award for growing to full moral stature. It is the only prize that a man must win everyday. The prize is the respect of others, earned by the disciplines that generate self-respect."