"Just a reminder, what other people think of you is none of your business.."

"[T]here's more than one way to skin a cat. But from the cat's perspective, they all suck. ."

"Trying to defeat an ideology by killing individuals is like trying to save a marriage with a blowjob. It might buy yo…"

"[T]errorists are desperate assholes who see no institutionalized recourse to address their grievances, so they resort…"

"A surprise party is where your friends and family lie to you to make you feel alone and unloved. Then, when they thro…"

"Pat Buchanan likes to say we're in a culture war. The Civil War was a culture war, and brothers killed brothers. I wo…"

"I don't think you understand what the word cool means.... Being cool is about not participating in traditionally enjo…"

"The word vagina is a beautiful word, like all words that have v's and g's in them, like gavel, or evangelical. I love…"

"Both hurting and happiness make me feel more alive, but as I get older it seems that hurting's the low hanging fruit.…"

"This is Ze Frank, thinking so you don't have to. (Standard sign-off for "The Show"; varies at times)."