"She behaves with all the sensitivity of a sex-starved boa constrictor"

"She is a half-mad old bag lady. The Finchley Whinger."

"...so unpopular, if he became a funeral director people would stop dying"

"He was a fairly competent chairman of Housing [on Lambeth Council]. Every time he gets up now I keep thinking, "What …"

"Since the great days of Jimmy Greaves, it's the only time anyone's managed to score five times in a Chelsea shirt."

"To make matters worse, they have elected a foetus as the party leader. I bet a lot of them wish they had not voted ag…"

"That this House is appalled, but barely surprised, at the revelations in M15 files regarding the bizarre and inhumane…"

"I have gone to a safe house, as they say, so I might as well have a different name"

"I found it intellectually numbing, tedious in the extreme. All you were was a sort of high-powered social worker and …"

"Living proof that a pig's bladder on the end of a stick can be elected to Parliament"