"Happiness is the feeling we experience when we are too busy to be miserable."

"Hamlet is the tragedy of tackling a family problem too soon after college"

"Think of what would happen to us in America if there were no humorists; life would be one long Congressional record."

"“Be yourself” is about the worst advice you can give some people."

"No brain is stronger than its weakest think."

"Prohibition may be a disputed theory, but none can complain that it doesn't hold water."

"If you want to be a flaming youth, you must have money to burn."

"Readers of Tom Masson's charming little stories, light essays and graceful verse, would hardly suspect the author of …"

"Would you end war? Create great Peace."

"To be a god First I must be a god-maker: We are what we create."