"I just want to tell you, I'm the one who was supposed to take care of everything. I'm the one who was supposed to mak…"

"The only place I get hurt is out there. [points away from the ring] The world don't give a shit about me."

"I just wanna say to you all tonight, I'm very grateful to be here. A lot of people told me that I'd never wrestle aga…"

"[describing the deli counter] It's an endless parade of horny housewives begging for your man meat."

"Mickey Rourke - Robin Ramzinski/Randy "The Ram" Robinson"

"Evan Rachel Wood - Stephanie"

"Todd Barry - Wayne"

"Mark Margolis - Lenny"

"Judah Friedlander - Scott Brumberg"

"Ernest Miller - Bob/"The Ayatollah""