"Susan McPhail as Diner Waitress"

"Jake Roberts as Sam (as Jake 'The Snake' Roberts)"

"You are not invited to my birthday party!"

"Tyler, I am going to give you all of my wishes for my birthday."

"Maybe we could be friends and buddies... bro dogs... and chill. Have a good time!"

"[To a stranger] Hey, do you want to come to my birthday party?"

"You might not be saying the word 'retard', alright, I'll give you that, but you're damn sure are making him feel reta…"

"[Zak is inserting a VHS tape] I don't know. I'd love to have a nickel for every goddamn time we had to watch this tap…"

"Friends are the family you choose."

"Wayne Dehart as Blind Jasper John"