"So you see, looking back, I think the other kids always picked me last for sports because I was smarter than them, no…"

"Now, I'm about to take off my shirt. A feeling of mild nausea is normal."

"Well, back to work. Got to win the Pulitzer Prize. First I need a topic. (starts typing on typewriter) "Chaplin, Pola…"

"I am a movie critic by trade, and until recently, I got paid to tell you people which movies merely stink and which o…"

"So you're not good at sports, we'll just have to find out what you are good at. In my case, it's complaining about mo…"

"Well, that's all for our show tonight. If you want to read more about trucking, I'm sorry but there just aren't any t…"

"Goodnight, Critic fans! And a special goodnight to those just tuning in for Home Improvement! (Looney Tunes Theme plays)"

"I did it! Oh, I'm a doc, a happy sneezy doc! (Yawns) Ooh, I'm a sleepy happy sneezy doc. If I don't get to bed, I'll …"

"I promised Alice I'd get her little girl into preschool, and I haven't had any luck. I ate a cheesecake, I took a nap…"

"Kath Soucie — Various"